1. Went to the Indonesian Cultural Show today. It was dorky, yet fun. When I was in the midst of a crowd of people, unable to understand one word of the conversations around me, it hit me. I realized how hard it is going to be. I can't even figure out where one word ends and another starts. So I better start learning Bahassa Indonesian now. Even today, when I was lifting at the gym, I tried to count in Indonesian. Lol, it's all about starting with baby steps.
2. Had a fun time today hanging out with the older people, hanging out with the guys by shooting pool, then having some enlightening conversations with Eunil, Brian, Wooseok, Alex, and Deanna. It was encouraging to see how deeply everyone thinks and even the depth and breadth of questions we have. Unfortunately it's 5:55 am now after all that talking. Yet, I think it was well worth it. It would be awesome to have more of these.
One of the bible verses that left a mark one me: "If there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things" Phillipians 4:8b (not NIV). It encourages me to think and ponder about heavenly truths and about my faith. It reminds me about the Renovation series we had in the summer, when I realized that there aren't enough good thoughts that fill my mind.
3. Something that I've realized recently is that I'm really afraid of being judged. It's come about due to some recent events and it's been to the point where I just wanna avoid some people cuz I feel like I would be judged. I realized that it's probably from Satan and that he really uses this to his advantage. So I have been trying to fight it, this desire to be isolated. Part of me wanting not to be judged is my pride, to not have people think badly of me.
I'm so afraid of being judged that I just have this canned rebuttal waiting for when they confront me. The problem is that they don't have to confront me, and they can just sit there judging me without ever knowing my explanations. Maybe I'm just being cynical and underestimating people, but that comes from me knowing that I would be likely to judge if I was in their shoes.
My head hurts too much and I can't type straight.
overnOUT
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