That was battle cry "AHHHHHHHH!!!!", not a pansy girl "AHHHHHHHH!!!!".
When times get tough, it's time to man up.
"You are stronger, YOU ARE STRONGER.
Sin is broken. YOU HAVE SAVED ME."
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Be Joyful Always [3.30.09]
During a time when I was feeling overwhelmed, this was the verse that popped into my head.
I feel like it's on of the ones that the Korean church loves: 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.
During a time when the most unnatural thing to do is to be joyful and pray, it's reminded me that in these moments, I probably need to be joyful and pray the most.
So despite all of these feelings of regret at wasting the most precious commodity, I will rejoice. For this is the day, this is the day (that the Lord had made, that the Lord has made) I will rejoice, I WILL REJOICE and be glad in it.
Gosh I love all of these old songs. Ironic how I can now start to grasp the meanings of songs that are taught to 7 year olds.
I feel like it's on of the ones that the Korean church loves: 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.
During a time when the most unnatural thing to do is to be joyful and pray, it's reminded me that in these moments, I probably need to be joyful and pray the most.
So despite all of these feelings of regret at wasting the most precious commodity, I will rejoice. For this is the day, this is the day (that the Lord had made, that the Lord has made) I will rejoice, I WILL REJOICE and be glad in it.
Gosh I love all of these old songs. Ironic how I can now start to grasp the meanings of songs that are taught to 7 year olds.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
One Day Horizon [3.29.09]
Sigh, I have degenerated to the one day horizon.
It takes so much time, discipline, and efficiency to get it back up.
Let's do it...
It takes so much time, discipline, and efficiency to get it back up.
Let's do it...
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Unloaded [3.28.09]
After unleashing and unloading all my thoughts here, my brain has run dry. Actually, more like, it's tired. It doesn't want to spend time generating thoughts and handling them until I let them out here. So until I'm less busy, I don' t think that the crazy long thought entries are going to be too consistent.
It's enough work trying to put the truths that I do know into action.
-Sam
It's enough work trying to put the truths that I do know into action.
-Sam
Friday, March 27, 2009
Ooops [3.27.09]
Today was one of those, "I woke up so late that I missed all of my classes" kinda day.
Turned in homework, which was later than late, then worked on some stuff, met up with someone, then hung out with LG.
IT WAS AWESOME. Totally made up for being SWAMPED the other day. Putt putt, then batting cages, then arcade. Then we watched "What happens in Vegas" while eating McDonalds.
1. I realized how selfish I can be. Like, I value sleep over my time of prayer or even commitments that I've made. In that moment, I choose my weariness over something of significantly greater value. I believe that we have to be good stewards of our health, but at the same time, I have to be willing to sacrifice it FTG.
2. I've decided not to be awkward. I've made a decision to talk to those people whom you only kind of know but make eye contact with or share and awkward elevator ride together. I mean, what's the harm? In fact, awkwardness only perpetuates itself, as it sets the precedent for the next time. It's one of the hardest things for me, because I get rigid fearing the awkward silence that may occur. Bleh.
3. Haven't been thinking as much as I should be.
overnOUT
Turned in homework, which was later than late, then worked on some stuff, met up with someone, then hung out with LG.
IT WAS AWESOME. Totally made up for being SWAMPED the other day. Putt putt, then batting cages, then arcade. Then we watched "What happens in Vegas" while eating McDonalds.
1. I realized how selfish I can be. Like, I value sleep over my time of prayer or even commitments that I've made. In that moment, I choose my weariness over something of significantly greater value. I believe that we have to be good stewards of our health, but at the same time, I have to be willing to sacrifice it FTG.
2. I've decided not to be awkward. I've made a decision to talk to those people whom you only kind of know but make eye contact with or share and awkward elevator ride together. I mean, what's the harm? In fact, awkwardness only perpetuates itself, as it sets the precedent for the next time. It's one of the hardest things for me, because I get rigid fearing the awkward silence that may occur. Bleh.
3. Haven't been thinking as much as I should be.
overnOUT
Rushed [3.26.09]
Today boils down to 5 hours of sleep, Math 425 midterm, EGL meet up, Stump the Pastor, homework.
I'll be OVERWHELMED till Tuesday. Pray for me please ㅠ-ㅠ
I'll be OVERWHELMED till Tuesday. Pray for me please ㅠ-ㅠ
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Crap [3.25.09]
So I missed a day.
Yesterday: Classes > Meijer > LG > Study > Broomball > Study > Found out there was a fire at West Quad and had Joon sleep over
I am not adequately prepared for this exam. CRAP.
Yesterday: Classes > Meijer > LG > Study > Broomball > Study > Found out there was a fire at West Quad and had Joon sleep over
I am not adequately prepared for this exam. CRAP.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Creative Title [3.24.09]
1.Today was the most draining day I've had in a while.
Also, best shower I've had in a while.
2. I think I'll come up with real titles now. I'll occasionally have the "Thoughts" title, but I think if every single one is the same, there's no differentiation between the posts besides the date. This being said, I'll still date them.
3. Have you ever tried worshipping/singing praise with a smile? It changes the entire dynamic of the song. Sometimes, those desperate cries turn into joyous smile as we realize the redemption that awaits us. It's great.
-Worn out like your favorite pair of socks.
Also, best shower I've had in a while.
2. I think I'll come up with real titles now. I'll occasionally have the "Thoughts" title, but I think if every single one is the same, there's no differentiation between the posts besides the date. This being said, I'll still date them.
3. Have you ever tried worshipping/singing praise with a smile? It changes the entire dynamic of the song. Sometimes, those desperate cries turn into joyous smile as we realize the redemption that awaits us. It's great.
-Worn out like your favorite pair of socks.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Thoughts [3.23.09]
1. Whenever one of the pastors talk about offerings, I think of 2 Corinthians 8. It talks about the Macedonian church, for whom "their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity". I mean that's awesome, to be able to give even in when poor, but the next line adds even more emphasis on the awesomeness of their actions: "For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability."
That "even beyond their ability part" just gets me. Yeah I give, but have I ever given beyond my ability? I was recently reading a book where a woman donates a piece of medical machinery to a missionary. Later the missionary finds out that she took out a loan which took her two years to pay back. Stuff like that gets to me. It reminds me how selfish I am and how attached to money I am.
Seriously, in this economic climate, we have the potential to be like the Macedonian church, to be stuck in poverty (relative to before). But with that poverty comes the chance to be awesome: to give beyond our ability.
2. The second part that is so cool is that the church actually asked Paul if they could give to him. They took the initiative and had the desire to advance the kingdom in that way, without any prompting from others. Isn't that... unworldly?
-Let's show up the Macedonian church
That "even beyond their ability part" just gets me. Yeah I give, but have I ever given beyond my ability? I was recently reading a book where a woman donates a piece of medical machinery to a missionary. Later the missionary finds out that she took out a loan which took her two years to pay back. Stuff like that gets to me. It reminds me how selfish I am and how attached to money I am.
Seriously, in this economic climate, we have the potential to be like the Macedonian church, to be stuck in poverty (relative to before). But with that poverty comes the chance to be awesome: to give beyond our ability.
2. The second part that is so cool is that the church actually asked Paul if they could give to him. They took the initiative and had the desire to advance the kingdom in that way, without any prompting from others. Isn't that... unworldly?
-Let's show up the Macedonian church
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Thoughts [3.22.09]
1. I love RT. I don't remember ever laughing so much in one day.
2. Do you guys remember what praise and worship was like when we were freshman? Do you remember walking into ACCESS or Sunday celebration and just feeling the charged atmosphere? Or the excitement that came with hosting the Holy Spirit? Do you remember seeing JSA bouncing up and down in the front row and hearing the cheers and cries of desperation or joy?
I mean, I hope you do. I hope it wasn't just me. I owe a lot to that worship. I learned that I can be free with my worship. I learned what a joy it was to cry out with my brothers and sisters. God helped me to get past my insecurities, giving me the confidence and abandon to go all out (although now I sing too loudly perhaps..).
But this semester, it's been a little dry, no? At least, relatively. And I was wondering what was "wrong" or what was different. Why weren't we pumped? Why weren't we overjoyed? Why were we so hesitant and reluctant to give it our all? I mean, whose fault was it!?
Hehe, and then it hit me like it always does. It's our fault! Argh! How could I be so foolish? We can't rely on the JSA's, Gabe Pak's, and Dom's of this world for our own worship! We cannot forever be freshmen riding on the coattails of our seniors. One day we're gonna look to the front and the upperclassmen won't be there.
So let us take a stand. The buck stops with us! Let us bring about a new fresh wave of worship and excitement. Of jubilation and praise! Of desparation and repentance! Let us take on the mantle and give God the glory with everything that we've got (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSCE8uLuTJY).
The ball's on your court. What are you gonna do with it?
2. Do you guys remember what praise and worship was like when we were freshman? Do you remember walking into ACCESS or Sunday celebration and just feeling the charged atmosphere? Or the excitement that came with hosting the Holy Spirit? Do you remember seeing JSA bouncing up and down in the front row and hearing the cheers and cries of desperation or joy?
I mean, I hope you do. I hope it wasn't just me. I owe a lot to that worship. I learned that I can be free with my worship. I learned what a joy it was to cry out with my brothers and sisters. God helped me to get past my insecurities, giving me the confidence and abandon to go all out (although now I sing too loudly perhaps..).
But this semester, it's been a little dry, no? At least, relatively. And I was wondering what was "wrong" or what was different. Why weren't we pumped? Why weren't we overjoyed? Why were we so hesitant and reluctant to give it our all? I mean, whose fault was it!?
Hehe, and then it hit me like it always does. It's our fault! Argh! How could I be so foolish? We can't rely on the JSA's, Gabe Pak's, and Dom's of this world for our own worship! We cannot forever be freshmen riding on the coattails of our seniors. One day we're gonna look to the front and the upperclassmen won't be there.
So let us take a stand. The buck stops with us! Let us bring about a new fresh wave of worship and excitement. Of jubilation and praise! Of desparation and repentance! Let us take on the mantle and give God the glory with everything that we've got (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSCE8uLuTJY).
The ball's on your court. What are you gonna do with it?
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Thoughts [3.21.09]
1. I really like playing sports now. I don't care if I suck, I like learning. It's fun. Sometimes I need to remind myself to make up for everything by playing with all I got, but...I like to give up too easy.
-.-;;
Today was: play football, watch basketball, watch baseball, play basketball, run routes for football.
All in all, pretty productive. Productive and also the most sore that I have ever been in my life. Can't wait till tomorrow morning. ^^
2. Blog name used to be "Baejje" cuz I thought it meant "Spill your guts", but I found out that's not what it means. So we're going to Reflection Eternal, because Blackstar is awesome and this blog is mostly just my reflections anyway.
3. Heartbroken to see Michigan lose, but seeing Korea pound Venezuela into the ground made me feel a little better.
-Can't wait for tomorrow's soreness
-.-;;
Today was: play football, watch basketball, watch baseball, play basketball, run routes for football.
All in all, pretty productive. Productive and also the most sore that I have ever been in my life. Can't wait till tomorrow morning. ^^
2. Blog name used to be "Baejje" cuz I thought it meant "Spill your guts", but I found out that's not what it means. So we're going to Reflection Eternal, because Blackstar is awesome and this blog is mostly just my reflections anyway.
3. Heartbroken to see Michigan lose, but seeing Korea pound Venezuela into the ground made me feel a little better.
-Can't wait for tomorrow's soreness
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thoughts [3.20.09]
1. I've been really happy recently. Wait, maybe joyful is more like it. Or perhaps positive?
2. No matter how much I struggle, no matter how many times my hand slips away, no matter how many times I turn away, He never lets go. When I'm happy and forget about Him, He's still there. When I'm beating at my chest and cursing the heavens, He's still there. When I'm broken and have given up, He's still there. What a wonderful God we have.
3. Just reminded of the Renovation: Mind series. I need to remember to filter what I let enter my mind. Whether it be images of excessively physically attractive women, blood guts and gore, or the temptations of the world, let's be sure to filter things out so that our minds may be pure and our thoughts pleasing to God.
4. If I had read this post a year ago, I would ask my future me why I only focused on "spiritual" issues when I write rather than just everything on my mind. Then I realized that this is predominately the stuff that does go on in my mind. Hallelujah, maybe I just leveled up.
-Amazed by the God we serve
2. No matter how much I struggle, no matter how many times my hand slips away, no matter how many times I turn away, He never lets go. When I'm happy and forget about Him, He's still there. When I'm beating at my chest and cursing the heavens, He's still there. When I'm broken and have given up, He's still there. What a wonderful God we have.
3. Just reminded of the Renovation: Mind series. I need to remember to filter what I let enter my mind. Whether it be images of excessively physically attractive women, blood guts and gore, or the temptations of the world, let's be sure to filter things out so that our minds may be pure and our thoughts pleasing to God.
4. If I had read this post a year ago, I would ask my future me why I only focused on "spiritual" issues when I write rather than just everything on my mind. Then I realized that this is predominately the stuff that does go on in my mind. Hallelujah, maybe I just leveled up.
-Amazed by the God we serve
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Thoughts [3.18.09]
1. One thing that I don't like is when people complain. I know I complain a lot, but bear with me for a moment. I don't like when people complain about authority and how the authority has to step it up. All these people want is to relieve themselves of any responsibility of their own actions and want to be spoon fed. When exams are hard, they blame the professors instead of working harder. When they burn themselves on hot coffee, they sue McDonald's. When the percentage of HIV increases in DC, they turn to the government to remedy this problem.
Do you realize that you have the power to make changes in your life? Do you realize that the government is not responsible for these problems? Yes, yes, I know, in some instances, the authority does have responsibility and yes, with government action, some of these problems can be lessened. But I feel that a majority of the time, we fail to take responsibility for our own actions or we want change and improvements spoon fed to us. We don't want to study harder instead we want easier exams kinda thing, ya dig?
Let's stop it. Let's own up to our responsibilities and make a conscious choice to improve or to solve the problems at hand. Let's stop blaming others (reactive system) and instead generate solutions.
2. Ich habe sehr Hausaufgaben.
overnOUT
Do you realize that you have the power to make changes in your life? Do you realize that the government is not responsible for these problems? Yes, yes, I know, in some instances, the authority does have responsibility and yes, with government action, some of these problems can be lessened. But I feel that a majority of the time, we fail to take responsibility for our own actions or we want change and improvements spoon fed to us. We don't want to study harder instead we want easier exams kinda thing, ya dig?
Let's stop it. Let's own up to our responsibilities and make a conscious choice to improve or to solve the problems at hand. Let's stop blaming others (reactive system) and instead generate solutions.
2. Ich habe sehr Hausaufgaben.
overnOUT
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Valid Reason + New Hunger [3.17.09]
1. When people asked me why I worked out, I would give them a cop out answer: Body is a temple and I must keep it healthy + must be a good steward of my health. It's true, but that wasn't really my reason. I don't think I had a legit reason, but I refused to believe it was due to my insecurities about my "image". Slowly, but surely, I've found a better reason.
See, working out helps me develop discipline. It builds this mentality where I have to persevere physically. Oddly enough, this discipline and mentality have trickled into my spiritual life. It reminds me that I can't just give up or take the easy way out. That I have to stick it through, even if it burns. It reminds me that I must persevere. I look at [mucho awesome wrestler] and when I see his iron-like mental perseverance, where pain is nothing and gains are everything, I get so amazed. I want that. I want the ability to stop being a wimp and stop complaining. I want to be able to say that I have a God so strong that nothing is going to take me down. That's why I work out.
P.S. It does have physical benefits though; I do feel more energetic.
2. As much as working out and these physical things have affected my spiritual life and my outlook, I think it has worked its way back. In our spiritual lives, the first thing that happens is that we realize that we are sinners, utterly lost mortals only able to depend upon the grace of God. As we accept this and turn to God, we live the rest of our lives struggling against our sinful nature, trying to please God in every way.
Ironically enough, this has impacted my perspective about basketball. Today, I played a random 3 vs 3 and I realized how much I sucked. I didn't know what to do without the ball nor did I know what to do with the ball. As the game ended, I realized that no matter how much I practice on my own, I need to develop a working knowledge of basketball. Extra oddly enough, I played another game tonight. It was a 5 on 5 and I realized once again, how much I stink and how much I didn't develop motor skills during my younger years. But when I left the IM building, I was filled at disgust with myself: The good players were panting and dead tired, but I was barely breathing hard. If I'm so bad, I should be playing harder! I was so disappointed in myself. Just like any other sport, I should be giving it everything to make up for my lack of skill.
So now, it's operation basketball. To not be such a freaking awkward engineer. gosh.
3. I look down on people with regards to how they look. This Indian kid looked like a nerd, so I chose to guard him. He completely [blank]ed me. In every possible way. I need someone to pop my bigheadedness. Where's a Frontline girl when you need one? XD
overnOUT
See, working out helps me develop discipline. It builds this mentality where I have to persevere physically. Oddly enough, this discipline and mentality have trickled into my spiritual life. It reminds me that I can't just give up or take the easy way out. That I have to stick it through, even if it burns. It reminds me that I must persevere. I look at [mucho awesome wrestler] and when I see his iron-like mental perseverance, where pain is nothing and gains are everything, I get so amazed. I want that. I want the ability to stop being a wimp and stop complaining. I want to be able to say that I have a God so strong that nothing is going to take me down. That's why I work out.
P.S. It does have physical benefits though; I do feel more energetic.
2. As much as working out and these physical things have affected my spiritual life and my outlook, I think it has worked its way back. In our spiritual lives, the first thing that happens is that we realize that we are sinners, utterly lost mortals only able to depend upon the grace of God. As we accept this and turn to God, we live the rest of our lives struggling against our sinful nature, trying to please God in every way.
Ironically enough, this has impacted my perspective about basketball. Today, I played a random 3 vs 3 and I realized how much I sucked. I didn't know what to do without the ball nor did I know what to do with the ball. As the game ended, I realized that no matter how much I practice on my own, I need to develop a working knowledge of basketball. Extra oddly enough, I played another game tonight. It was a 5 on 5 and I realized once again, how much I stink and how much I didn't develop motor skills during my younger years. But when I left the IM building, I was filled at disgust with myself: The good players were panting and dead tired, but I was barely breathing hard. If I'm so bad, I should be playing harder! I was so disappointed in myself. Just like any other sport, I should be giving it everything to make up for my lack of skill.
So now, it's operation basketball. To not be such a freaking awkward engineer. gosh.
3. I look down on people with regards to how they look. This Indian kid looked like a nerd, so I chose to guard him. He completely [blank]ed me. In every possible way. I need someone to pop my bigheadedness. Where's a Frontline girl when you need one? XD
overnOUT
Monday, March 16, 2009
Thoughts [3.16.09]
I'll share some of the thoughts I had in reserve, cuz I'm too flustered to think right now.
1. Growing up as the fat kid with a wicked tongue yet a hopelessly romantic heart, I had a lot of ideas about what beauty was. Obviously, it wasn't all about the physical, in fact, only a small part of it dealt with physical beauty. I mean, look at the word, physical beauty inherently means that physical is just a subset of absolute beauty.
I never thought of it as being a reflection of God's moral excellence, but I just expected that when I would see true beauty, there would be a soft, radiant glow from whatever person that came from their actions, dispositions, and character. Kind of like that quiet elegance that Japanese women seem to radiate.
However, this beauty was exclusive. There were a select few who would be able to meet these criteria. It was the pinnacle of any sort of appeal.
And then it hit me recently that I've never really applied these grandiose ideals to myself. I've always been too preoccupied with my physical appearance and my physical flaws. But it's time to take some of my own advice. Maybe we'll strive for moral excellence. Or maybe just a kindness and love that flows from the innermost of my being.
2. I need to take lots of all my different kinds of medicine.
overnOUT
1. Growing up as the fat kid with a wicked tongue yet a hopelessly romantic heart, I had a lot of ideas about what beauty was. Obviously, it wasn't all about the physical, in fact, only a small part of it dealt with physical beauty. I mean, look at the word, physical beauty inherently means that physical is just a subset of absolute beauty.
I never thought of it as being a reflection of God's moral excellence, but I just expected that when I would see true beauty, there would be a soft, radiant glow from whatever person that came from their actions, dispositions, and character. Kind of like that quiet elegance that Japanese women seem to radiate.
However, this beauty was exclusive. There were a select few who would be able to meet these criteria. It was the pinnacle of any sort of appeal.
And then it hit me recently that I've never really applied these grandiose ideals to myself. I've always been too preoccupied with my physical appearance and my physical flaws. But it's time to take some of my own advice. Maybe we'll strive for moral excellence. Or maybe just a kindness and love that flows from the innermost of my being.
2. I need to take lots of all my different kinds of medicine.
overnOUT
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Thoughts [3.15.09]
Pi day is now gone.
1. I realized that one aspect of pride I have yet to get over is Asian Pride. Not like, "Yay Korea, go Asia!" I'm talking about the pride that is the consequence of our hierarchical social structure. You know, where respect is received from those under (younger than) you and given to those above (older than) you. I guess in some ways, it has its pros relative to the individualistic Western culture, where we demand respect from everyone.
I guess it just peeves me in a way when younger people treat me like....their friend? That sounds bad, but sometimes when they joke around with me, there's that moment when I feel like, "wait. who do you think I am? I'm your "형/오빠/elder"" Man, so many levels of pride to face. And especially when I think about how I treat my elders sometimes, as I kind of cross over the line, even while respecting them, makes me see how much of a double standard I hold. Although... I would watch my words a little more than some of these guys do.
Is it just a cultural thing that's embedded in me? How do I get it out? Should I get it out? I mean, with that hierarchical structure also comes that feeling that I have a responsibility towards the younger kids. Do I have to keep that and throw out this pride? Aren't they related in some way?
Sigh. Tough issue.
2. Crazy thought that occurred to me during the conclusion of thought 1. Maybe, just as Samson was absolute strength and Solomon was absolute wisdom, Jesus was absolute humility. I mean, looking at his human side. I dunno, I just thought it sounded cool.
3. I guess humility is also more multifaceted than I thought. Guess that makes sense since pride is so multifaceted.
overnOUT
1. I realized that one aspect of pride I have yet to get over is Asian Pride. Not like, "Yay Korea, go Asia!" I'm talking about the pride that is the consequence of our hierarchical social structure. You know, where respect is received from those under (younger than) you and given to those above (older than) you. I guess in some ways, it has its pros relative to the individualistic Western culture, where we demand respect from everyone.
I guess it just peeves me in a way when younger people treat me like....their friend? That sounds bad, but sometimes when they joke around with me, there's that moment when I feel like, "wait. who do you think I am? I'm your "형/오빠/elder"" Man, so many levels of pride to face. And especially when I think about how I treat my elders sometimes, as I kind of cross over the line, even while respecting them, makes me see how much of a double standard I hold. Although... I would watch my words a little more than some of these guys do.
Is it just a cultural thing that's embedded in me? How do I get it out? Should I get it out? I mean, with that hierarchical structure also comes that feeling that I have a responsibility towards the younger kids. Do I have to keep that and throw out this pride? Aren't they related in some way?
Sigh. Tough issue.
2. Crazy thought that occurred to me during the conclusion of thought 1. Maybe, just as Samson was absolute strength and Solomon was absolute wisdom, Jesus was absolute humility. I mean, looking at his human side. I dunno, I just thought it sounded cool.
3. I guess humility is also more multifaceted than I thought. Guess that makes sense since pride is so multifaceted.
overnOUT
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Thoughts [3.14.09]
Just a reminder, today was pi day.
1. Football is fun. I have a tendency to get hurt because I get reckless. Why? Because I suck, and so if I don't make it up with reckless, I would be even more horrible. So I throw my uncoordinated and awkward body into the fray with one mission: to take down that sack of meat that is about to throw the ball. But I never accomplished that goal, sigh.
I wish I could throw myself into loving and serving God with that same reckless abandon. Just as in the case of football, my spirituality isn't really up to par either. I wonder if I'll come out with that same satisfaction I had today. The satisfaction that comes with knowing that I gave it almost my all, even if the results weren't satisfactory. The satisfaction that comes with being spent. lol. And the great thing is, He can use my efforts to produce satisfactory results. hehe.
2. I can understand what the pastors are talking about when they say that our church has "gone downhill" a little. I mean, just imagining the initial church planting team, with every single member intent only on achieving one mission and members coming to know this passion first hand, how could that church not be awesome? I guess what happens is as we get breadth, it's really easy to lose depth. There's not enough time for 1v1's and with those who are completely committed, you get those who are not all in. How crazy would HMCC be if we were all as passionate as the initial church planting team? Mad crazy.
We'll keep it short today. ^^
-Sam
1. Football is fun. I have a tendency to get hurt because I get reckless. Why? Because I suck, and so if I don't make it up with reckless, I would be even more horrible. So I throw my uncoordinated and awkward body into the fray with one mission: to take down that sack of meat that is about to throw the ball. But I never accomplished that goal, sigh.
I wish I could throw myself into loving and serving God with that same reckless abandon. Just as in the case of football, my spirituality isn't really up to par either. I wonder if I'll come out with that same satisfaction I had today. The satisfaction that comes with knowing that I gave it almost my all, even if the results weren't satisfactory. The satisfaction that comes with being spent. lol. And the great thing is, He can use my efforts to produce satisfactory results. hehe.
2. I can understand what the pastors are talking about when they say that our church has "gone downhill" a little. I mean, just imagining the initial church planting team, with every single member intent only on achieving one mission and members coming to know this passion first hand, how could that church not be awesome? I guess what happens is as we get breadth, it's really easy to lose depth. There's not enough time for 1v1's and with those who are completely committed, you get those who are not all in. How crazy would HMCC be if we were all as passionate as the initial church planting team? Mad crazy.
We'll keep it short today. ^^
-Sam
Friday, March 13, 2009
Thoughts [3.13.09]
1. Most of the time, I approach ACCESS and Sunday service with the mentality that it's gonna be just another normal ACCESS/Sunday service. You know, the ones that aren't New Encounter, Easter, or Mission Sunday. However, today I realized that if you think about it, there's nothing normal about these days EVER. Think about it, the supreme ruler and creator of the universe is going to hang out with us for a couple hours. A three-O God (omniscient, omnipotent, omnibenevolent) is going to send His Spirit down to us and his presence is going to saturate us. He's going to make His presence with us, on earth.
How is that normal in any way? It encouraged me to be excited for every ACCESS, MP, prayer gathering, Sunday service, etc. Isn't that amazing?
2. "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few." I admit that a significant reason for this is that there are people who are just unaware that the harvest is overflowing and people who don't know Jesus. However, looking at my life, I've realized that many times, the workers know that the harvest is plenty, but they just don't want to work. We just don't want to get down and dirty, nor do we want to sweat and work hard, and we don't feel the need to attend to the fields.
Maybe we should focus on getting the workers that we do have to actually go do work, instead of standing around idly. They say the campus is our mission field. Even today, with all of the people who were actually receptive about the Day of No Freedom, just reminded me that if we could just be better witnesses, there would be floods of people coming to know Christ. It's just a shame that I don't put my hands to the plow and go work. It's a shame that my actions show that I don't really belive in a God who will help me be strong and courageous.
So who's up for some cold evangelism/building relationships with strangers?
3. The first line of "Lifesong" may be one of my most favorite lines ever. I might have already shared, but since it's my favorite, it can be shared again: "Empty hands held high, such small sacrifice. If not joined with my life, I sing in vain tonight." What a great reminder that if my life and my words/thoughts don't match, it's all in vain. It's just another reminder that coming to church and lifting up our hands and our voices is such a small sacrifice compared to what Jesus wants from our lives.
It reminds me that worship songs are not just songs. If we really wanted to sing that badly, we could just go NRB! But I have to remember, that these songs are worship and praise that we are lifting up to our God. Not just empty words, but words that encompass our experiences and emotions that we've experienced in our relationship with Him.
Yeah. I love that line.
overnOUT
How is that normal in any way? It encouraged me to be excited for every ACCESS, MP, prayer gathering, Sunday service, etc. Isn't that amazing?
2. "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few." I admit that a significant reason for this is that there are people who are just unaware that the harvest is overflowing and people who don't know Jesus. However, looking at my life, I've realized that many times, the workers know that the harvest is plenty, but they just don't want to work. We just don't want to get down and dirty, nor do we want to sweat and work hard, and we don't feel the need to attend to the fields.
Maybe we should focus on getting the workers that we do have to actually go do work, instead of standing around idly. They say the campus is our mission field. Even today, with all of the people who were actually receptive about the Day of No Freedom, just reminded me that if we could just be better witnesses, there would be floods of people coming to know Christ. It's just a shame that I don't put my hands to the plow and go work. It's a shame that my actions show that I don't really belive in a God who will help me be strong and courageous.
So who's up for some cold evangelism/building relationships with strangers?
3. The first line of "Lifesong" may be one of my most favorite lines ever. I might have already shared, but since it's my favorite, it can be shared again: "Empty hands held high, such small sacrifice. If not joined with my life, I sing in vain tonight." What a great reminder that if my life and my words/thoughts don't match, it's all in vain. It's just another reminder that coming to church and lifting up our hands and our voices is such a small sacrifice compared to what Jesus wants from our lives.
It reminds me that worship songs are not just songs. If we really wanted to sing that badly, we could just go NRB! But I have to remember, that these songs are worship and praise that we are lifting up to our God. Not just empty words, but words that encompass our experiences and emotions that we've experienced in our relationship with Him.
Yeah. I love that line.
overnOUT
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Thoughts [3.12.09]
1. So, recently just as I've been learning a lot, there's been one lesson that has stood out among the rest. That lesson is God's grace. Through exploring it, I've realized that there's not enough of His grace in my life, especially towards others. I've realized I have a tendency to be hard on people, to point out their flaws and push them to change. But the problem is..that..I ...lack wisdom. -.-;; Sometimes, we just need to be able to accept people with grace.
Don't get me wrong. We still have to be real. We still have to love people so much that we'd be willing to sacrifice the relationship in order to tell them the truth/help them out. But, there are sometimes, where the gentle love of Jesus works a lot better than the harsh words of rebuke.
*Someone pointed out that often it's how we say it that is important.
1.5. I wish everyone could suck it up though. =X
2. Wisdom is so crucial. I think this is especially the case in Christianity. The problem is that in Christianity, there's so many issues where there's no hardline, straight up answers. There are so many gray areas where answers aren't clear. When they're not wrong, but they're not exactly right either. There are so many beginnings to slippery slopes.
I can see now why Prayer Driven Life had a section about how God wants to flood us with wisdom. Wisdom is the deciding factor in turning good motives to good outcomes.
3. Today I was so discouraged. Looking at all of these internship positions, I realized how underqualified I am. In a way, it's just my payment for not doing anything in high school and ...even here. A lot of the requirements have a clause something along the lines of: "Desire to learn". But, that doesn't really matter. If you don't have the other qualifications, such as the experience or previous knowledge, it doesn't matter how great your desire is to learn, you're not gonna get the job.
Then I juxtaposed this to Christianity. Then I smiled because in Christianity, it's not about your job experience, qualifications, abilities or previous knowledge, but! the "desire to learn" has a lot heavier weight. I'm so happy that by God's standards, I'm not completely underqualified because I at least have the desire to learn. ^^
Then after all this bitterness, I realized how prideful, selfish I was being. How can I expect to build job experience if I don't seek after the lower level jobs to build up my foundation? Or even volunteering at some of these engineering labs. I'm so high and mighty that not only do I think I deserve stimulating, rewarding, helpful jobs, but also a high paying one. One of my friends was talking about how he might do volunteer research and how he's building up his network by proactively engaging his target community and then I just felt like a fool.
But it ends TODAY! I'm gonna take the first step of MPS-6 (also my favorite): Engage!
overnOUT
Don't get me wrong. We still have to be real. We still have to love people so much that we'd be willing to sacrifice the relationship in order to tell them the truth/help them out. But, there are sometimes, where the gentle love of Jesus works a lot better than the harsh words of rebuke.
*Someone pointed out that often it's how we say it that is important.
1.5. I wish everyone could suck it up though. =X
2. Wisdom is so crucial. I think this is especially the case in Christianity. The problem is that in Christianity, there's so many issues where there's no hardline, straight up answers. There are so many gray areas where answers aren't clear. When they're not wrong, but they're not exactly right either. There are so many beginnings to slippery slopes.
I can see now why Prayer Driven Life had a section about how God wants to flood us with wisdom. Wisdom is the deciding factor in turning good motives to good outcomes.
3. Today I was so discouraged. Looking at all of these internship positions, I realized how underqualified I am. In a way, it's just my payment for not doing anything in high school and ...even here. A lot of the requirements have a clause something along the lines of: "Desire to learn". But, that doesn't really matter. If you don't have the other qualifications, such as the experience or previous knowledge, it doesn't matter how great your desire is to learn, you're not gonna get the job.
Then I juxtaposed this to Christianity. Then I smiled because in Christianity, it's not about your job experience, qualifications, abilities or previous knowledge, but! the "desire to learn" has a lot heavier weight. I'm so happy that by God's standards, I'm not completely underqualified because I at least have the desire to learn. ^^
Then after all this bitterness, I realized how prideful, selfish I was being. How can I expect to build job experience if I don't seek after the lower level jobs to build up my foundation? Or even volunteering at some of these engineering labs. I'm so high and mighty that not only do I think I deserve stimulating, rewarding, helpful jobs, but also a high paying one. One of my friends was talking about how he might do volunteer research and how he's building up his network by proactively engaging his target community and then I just felt like a fool.
But it ends TODAY! I'm gonna take the first step of MPS-6 (also my favorite): Engage!
overnOUT
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Thoughts [3.11.09]
Some insight I gained from LG:
1. We always have to be on guard to make sure we're not being complacent. So many times, we are unaware of our complacency. These are some questions we can ask ourselves:
A. What are you doing with the blessings God has given you?
Has there been fruit or some sort of dividend?
B. Are you making the best of your time: inquiring after, preparing for, investing in, or partaking in your calling?
C. What are you doing with your time? Your energy?
D. What are you thinking about?
E. What are you striving after?
I think it takes a lot of humility to admit the possibility of being complacent, and then even more to put down our pride and evaluate our lives. Makes me realize how alive I am, as in how much I don't die to myself. It also makes me realize how much I still value the temporal things of this world.
I want to err on the side of destitution, not out of a desire to please God with works alone, but so I can guard against complacency. To go without yet be content. Even so, my life is filled with complacency, with the type of comfort we're supposed to guard against, still so much self centered pleasure. Sometimes I (selfishly) wish that it was a heckuvalot easier.
2. More and more, I look at these people in the Bible that are supposed to be the "bad guys". We study about what they are doing wrong, how they have the most crooked of intentions and warped perspectives of God. We evaluate their pride and inability to comprehend who Jesus really is. We condemn their hypocritical actions with righteous fury.
Then we realize, not only do these people represent us, but in many cases, we're worse than they are.
3. I love inductive Bible study.
4. Thought that came to me as I reflected: "Christians have spectacular thoughts and grandiose ideas, but only normal lives."
overnOUT
1. We always have to be on guard to make sure we're not being complacent. So many times, we are unaware of our complacency. These are some questions we can ask ourselves:
A. What are you doing with the blessings God has given you?
Has there been fruit or some sort of dividend?
B. Are you making the best of your time: inquiring after, preparing for, investing in, or partaking in your calling?
C. What are you doing with your time? Your energy?
D. What are you thinking about?
E. What are you striving after?
I think it takes a lot of humility to admit the possibility of being complacent, and then even more to put down our pride and evaluate our lives. Makes me realize how alive I am, as in how much I don't die to myself. It also makes me realize how much I still value the temporal things of this world.
I want to err on the side of destitution, not out of a desire to please God with works alone, but so I can guard against complacency. To go without yet be content. Even so, my life is filled with complacency, with the type of comfort we're supposed to guard against, still so much self centered pleasure. Sometimes I (selfishly) wish that it was a heckuvalot easier.
2. More and more, I look at these people in the Bible that are supposed to be the "bad guys". We study about what they are doing wrong, how they have the most crooked of intentions and warped perspectives of God. We evaluate their pride and inability to comprehend who Jesus really is. We condemn their hypocritical actions with righteous fury.
Then we realize, not only do these people represent us, but in many cases, we're worse than they are.
3. I love inductive Bible study.
4. Thought that came to me as I reflected: "Christians have spectacular thoughts and grandiose ideas, but only normal lives."
overnOUT
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Thoughts [3.10.09]
1. Let us burn again: "Holy fire from heaven, fall on us we pray, let us burn again." You know, like freshman year 1st semester, when Harvest, college, and having a real relationship with Him was so new. So FRESH. Burn again, like freshman year prayer gatherings. Burn again, like AMI revolution. Burn again, like past missions and retreats. Let us burn again! But also, let us burn for all of our days.
2. I've decided upon an image for myself in this race for Christ. I'm... the fat kid. You know, the one that's huffing and puffing when he's on the first lap of twenty. The one who's sweating bullets and resembles a large plum due to the odd hue of his skin. The one who's hopeless, out of place, and in way over his head.
But you know what? I'm gonna finish. After all of the competitors and spectators have gone home and the race is over, I'm gonna put one foot in front of the other until I cross the finish line. I'm gonna struggle against the weight of my body and the weight of the tiredness tearing away at my bones. I'm gonna bear the cramps that stabb javelins through my sides and fight for every mouthful of air.
And as I crawl my way across the finish line, a weathered hand will gently lift up my head. I'll look up to see a camera crew rushing up to meet me, exclaiming about some "interview with the winner". Confounded, I'll sputter out a couple of incoherent questions. They'll answer me, telling me that I won, that my substitute already ran the race 3 days ago and that I was already the international champ. Amazed, I'll look around for the man who lifted my head up.
And then, softly whispered into my ears, I'll hear the sweetest words I'll ever hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant." And all will be good.
*This is a declaration of intent, not an arrogant proclamation.
2. I've decided upon an image for myself in this race for Christ. I'm... the fat kid. You know, the one that's huffing and puffing when he's on the first lap of twenty. The one who's sweating bullets and resembles a large plum due to the odd hue of his skin. The one who's hopeless, out of place, and in way over his head.
But you know what? I'm gonna finish. After all of the competitors and spectators have gone home and the race is over, I'm gonna put one foot in front of the other until I cross the finish line. I'm gonna struggle against the weight of my body and the weight of the tiredness tearing away at my bones. I'm gonna bear the cramps that stabb javelins through my sides and fight for every mouthful of air.
And as I crawl my way across the finish line, a weathered hand will gently lift up my head. I'll look up to see a camera crew rushing up to meet me, exclaiming about some "interview with the winner". Confounded, I'll sputter out a couple of incoherent questions. They'll answer me, telling me that I won, that my substitute already ran the race 3 days ago and that I was already the international champ. Amazed, I'll look around for the man who lifted my head up.
And then, softly whispered into my ears, I'll hear the sweetest words I'll ever hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant." And all will be good.
*This is a declaration of intent, not an arrogant proclamation.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Thoughts [3.09.09]
1. God's purification is not color safe bleach. It does not exclude areas of your life that you wish to keep as they were. God's work in you is like straight up bleach. Every part of your life, whether you like it or not, will be affected by God's purification and in the end, He will have worked to scourge every dark corner of your life of yourself so that you can be as white as snow.
At least, this is how it should be if we let God do His full work in our lives. Admittedly, we tend to guard those colored spots of our lives till our last breath, literally.
2. "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him." Hebrews 11:6. I look at this I what I see is that faith is the springboard into your relationship with God. Without faith, you can't possibly start.
And then later on, it says that love is the greatest out of faith, hope, and love. Meaning that faith leads us into this relationship with God, from whence we can learn to love, which is even greater than the initial step, the springboard of faith.
3. Lent is also something of a springboard, I think. Especially in cases where we give up things that aren't helpful to our growth as Christians, I think we should consider continuing in giving them up after lent. Like wasting time playing games. Maybe I should consider continuing to greatly reduce that time that could be used for more constructive means. I just feel like sometimes we give up bad habits, but go right back to them after forty days. Where's the sense in that?
3 thoughts should be enough.
overnOUT
At least, this is how it should be if we let God do His full work in our lives. Admittedly, we tend to guard those colored spots of our lives till our last breath, literally.
2. "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him." Hebrews 11:6. I look at this I what I see is that faith is the springboard into your relationship with God. Without faith, you can't possibly start.
And then later on, it says that love is the greatest out of faith, hope, and love. Meaning that faith leads us into this relationship with God, from whence we can learn to love, which is even greater than the initial step, the springboard of faith.
3. Lent is also something of a springboard, I think. Especially in cases where we give up things that aren't helpful to our growth as Christians, I think we should consider continuing in giving them up after lent. Like wasting time playing games. Maybe I should consider continuing to greatly reduce that time that could be used for more constructive means. I just feel like sometimes we give up bad habits, but go right back to them after forty days. Where's the sense in that?
3 thoughts should be enough.
overnOUT
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Thoughts [3.08.09]
Just a disclaimer: I filled two little note pages on my phone of thoughts, so there are plenty of thoughts to come. I'll try to portion them so my entries aren't monstrous.
1. Actualized faith shows through our tangible actions.
"After consulting the people, Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying 'Give thanks to the Lord, for his love endures forever.'"
-2 Chronicles 20:31
The context of this verse is that the Lord promises Jehoshaphat victory; the prophet says in v.17: "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you."
What is so amazing here is that King J appoints non-military personnel at the frontlines of his army. Yes, in history there have often times been some sort of drummer, or bugle blower, but rarely are they on the frontlines, and never do they exclusively make up the frontline. But King J, trusting so fully in the Lord, shows his faith by putting these singers at the head of his army. Do you see how impractical it is? I mean, if they get attacked, they're screwed!!! (Sorry, it just blows my mind)
But what we see is that King J shows his faith in his tangible actions. That is, his actions reflect how fully he trusts in God. Personally, I think that's amazing. Many times, we profess faith, but our actions show that we prefer to rely on our own wisdom, or the world's wisdom, rarely do they reflect faith such as this.
The result? God is true to his word. The different armies against them end up ambushing themselves: The Ammonites and Moabites together accidentally jump the men from Mount Seir, and in the aftermath, they end up demolishing one another. The men of Judah win with nothing but singing and praise and end up with too much plunder to haul back. Amazing
2. I guess to go along with this, I always try to check to see if what I'm doing backs up what I'm saying. Especially with tangible things, like offering or daily QT time. As everyone + their mother knows, I like to talk a lot. But do I back it up? One day, hopefully, my life will be my witness, not only my words. As my father so eloquently put it, "Faith is not the confession of the lips, but a confession of our lives." That's on the money.
3. Speaking of money, I think one example of how we should live our lives is being "all-in", like in poker. So, if you are not familiar with this all-in concept, it refers to a situation in which you bet every single chip (dollar), on one decision. You may believe you have the best cards, or that the opponent will be too scared to call your bet.
The reason that this resonates well with me is for a couple of reasons:
A. When you're all-in, if your opponent calls you and you win, you're at a point where you can reap the greatest amount of reward. I think this is obvious too. The more you invest as a Christian, the greater amount of blessings you can receive, understand, and appreciate. The more you search for who God is, the greater He becomes. And when we're all-in, then we're in the best possible to max out every benefit of knowing Jesus.
B. Being all-in shows a level of confidence and commitment in your belief. This scares your opponent and it will scare Satan. Even if you leave one chip, (unless you're just being uber strategic and making them wanna call you) your opponent will see it as a sign of doubt and know that there's a possibility to beat you and shake you. When Satan sees someone who leaves one chip, I'm sure that he knows that he can go and shake, tempt, and eventually cause a rift in that person's relationship with God. But when we are all-in, I think even Satan will be scared. Maybe he'll try harder to cause a rift, but only because he's that much more scared.
C. If what we believe in turns out to be wrong, we should be completely screwed. In an all-in, if you're wrong and you lose, you lose all of your money. In the same way, you should live your life so that if Christianity is wrong, your life was completely wasted/lost. Think about it, planting a church, dedicating time for reading and prayer, evangelizing, trying to love God by obeying his commands, all of these things are pointless if we are wrong.
Obviously, I do not believe in any way that we are wrong about Christianity. However, it should be apparent to us, what is at stake; that in fact, everything should be at stake. Bottom line is: If this one belief I have invested everything in falls through, then I should be completely and utterly screwed. i.e. if Jesus is not who the Bible says he is, my life crumbles.
(Flaw in this example is that sometimes, living for Christ can help us be successful in the eyes of the world as well/we can be in positions where we are living for Christ nevertheless God is blessing us with worldly things, maybe we can consider this as a sidepot)
Wow that was a lot longer than I thought it would be. lol, I do try to leave the lengthier points for later, so that you can read the most points in the shortest amount of time.
overnOUT
1. Actualized faith shows through our tangible actions.
"After consulting the people, Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying 'Give thanks to the Lord, for his love endures forever.'"
-2 Chronicles 20:31
The context of this verse is that the Lord promises Jehoshaphat victory; the prophet says in v.17: "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you."
What is so amazing here is that King J appoints non-military personnel at the frontlines of his army. Yes, in history there have often times been some sort of drummer, or bugle blower, but rarely are they on the frontlines, and never do they exclusively make up the frontline. But King J, trusting so fully in the Lord, shows his faith by putting these singers at the head of his army. Do you see how impractical it is? I mean, if they get attacked, they're screwed!!! (Sorry, it just blows my mind)
But what we see is that King J shows his faith in his tangible actions. That is, his actions reflect how fully he trusts in God. Personally, I think that's amazing. Many times, we profess faith, but our actions show that we prefer to rely on our own wisdom, or the world's wisdom, rarely do they reflect faith such as this.
The result? God is true to his word. The different armies against them end up ambushing themselves: The Ammonites and Moabites together accidentally jump the men from Mount Seir, and in the aftermath, they end up demolishing one another. The men of Judah win with nothing but singing and praise and end up with too much plunder to haul back. Amazing
2. I guess to go along with this, I always try to check to see if what I'm doing backs up what I'm saying. Especially with tangible things, like offering or daily QT time. As everyone + their mother knows, I like to talk a lot. But do I back it up? One day, hopefully, my life will be my witness, not only my words. As my father so eloquently put it, "Faith is not the confession of the lips, but a confession of our lives." That's on the money.
3. Speaking of money, I think one example of how we should live our lives is being "all-in", like in poker. So, if you are not familiar with this all-in concept, it refers to a situation in which you bet every single chip (dollar), on one decision. You may believe you have the best cards, or that the opponent will be too scared to call your bet.
The reason that this resonates well with me is for a couple of reasons:
A. When you're all-in, if your opponent calls you and you win, you're at a point where you can reap the greatest amount of reward. I think this is obvious too. The more you invest as a Christian, the greater amount of blessings you can receive, understand, and appreciate. The more you search for who God is, the greater He becomes. And when we're all-in, then we're in the best possible to max out every benefit of knowing Jesus.
B. Being all-in shows a level of confidence and commitment in your belief. This scares your opponent and it will scare Satan. Even if you leave one chip, (unless you're just being uber strategic and making them wanna call you) your opponent will see it as a sign of doubt and know that there's a possibility to beat you and shake you. When Satan sees someone who leaves one chip, I'm sure that he knows that he can go and shake, tempt, and eventually cause a rift in that person's relationship with God. But when we are all-in, I think even Satan will be scared. Maybe he'll try harder to cause a rift, but only because he's that much more scared.
C. If what we believe in turns out to be wrong, we should be completely screwed. In an all-in, if you're wrong and you lose, you lose all of your money. In the same way, you should live your life so that if Christianity is wrong, your life was completely wasted/lost. Think about it, planting a church, dedicating time for reading and prayer, evangelizing, trying to love God by obeying his commands, all of these things are pointless if we are wrong.
Obviously, I do not believe in any way that we are wrong about Christianity. However, it should be apparent to us, what is at stake; that in fact, everything should be at stake. Bottom line is: If this one belief I have invested everything in falls through, then I should be completely and utterly screwed. i.e. if Jesus is not who the Bible says he is, my life crumbles.
(Flaw in this example is that sometimes, living for Christ can help us be successful in the eyes of the world as well/we can be in positions where we are living for Christ nevertheless God is blessing us with worldly things, maybe we can consider this as a sidepot)
Wow that was a lot longer than I thought it would be. lol, I do try to leave the lengthier points for later, so that you can read the most points in the shortest amount of time.
overnOUT
Thoughts [3.07.09]
1. Went to the Indonesian Cultural Show today. It was dorky, yet fun. When I was in the midst of a crowd of people, unable to understand one word of the conversations around me, it hit me. I realized how hard it is going to be. I can't even figure out where one word ends and another starts. So I better start learning Bahassa Indonesian now. Even today, when I was lifting at the gym, I tried to count in Indonesian. Lol, it's all about starting with baby steps.
2. Had a fun time today hanging out with the older people, hanging out with the guys by shooting pool, then having some enlightening conversations with Eunil, Brian, Wooseok, Alex, and Deanna. It was encouraging to see how deeply everyone thinks and even the depth and breadth of questions we have. Unfortunately it's 5:55 am now after all that talking. Yet, I think it was well worth it. It would be awesome to have more of these.
One of the bible verses that left a mark one me: "If there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things" Phillipians 4:8b (not NIV). It encourages me to think and ponder about heavenly truths and about my faith. It reminds me about the Renovation series we had in the summer, when I realized that there aren't enough good thoughts that fill my mind.
3. Something that I've realized recently is that I'm really afraid of being judged. It's come about due to some recent events and it's been to the point where I just wanna avoid some people cuz I feel like I would be judged. I realized that it's probably from Satan and that he really uses this to his advantage. So I have been trying to fight it, this desire to be isolated. Part of me wanting not to be judged is my pride, to not have people think badly of me.
I'm so afraid of being judged that I just have this canned rebuttal waiting for when they confront me. The problem is that they don't have to confront me, and they can just sit there judging me without ever knowing my explanations. Maybe I'm just being cynical and underestimating people, but that comes from me knowing that I would be likely to judge if I was in their shoes.
My head hurts too much and I can't type straight.
overnOUT
2. Had a fun time today hanging out with the older people, hanging out with the guys by shooting pool, then having some enlightening conversations with Eunil, Brian, Wooseok, Alex, and Deanna. It was encouraging to see how deeply everyone thinks and even the depth and breadth of questions we have. Unfortunately it's 5:55 am now after all that talking. Yet, I think it was well worth it. It would be awesome to have more of these.
One of the bible verses that left a mark one me: "If there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things" Phillipians 4:8b (not NIV). It encourages me to think and ponder about heavenly truths and about my faith. It reminds me about the Renovation series we had in the summer, when I realized that there aren't enough good thoughts that fill my mind.
3. Something that I've realized recently is that I'm really afraid of being judged. It's come about due to some recent events and it's been to the point where I just wanna avoid some people cuz I feel like I would be judged. I realized that it's probably from Satan and that he really uses this to his advantage. So I have been trying to fight it, this desire to be isolated. Part of me wanting not to be judged is my pride, to not have people think badly of me.
I'm so afraid of being judged that I just have this canned rebuttal waiting for when they confront me. The problem is that they don't have to confront me, and they can just sit there judging me without ever knowing my explanations. Maybe I'm just being cynical and underestimating people, but that comes from me knowing that I would be likely to judge if I was in their shoes.
My head hurts too much and I can't type straight.
overnOUT
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Thoughts [3.06.09]
Just got back from prayer gathering. Not coherent enough to write.
Prayer gathering was awesome though.
____________________________________________________
Song of the Moment [Throwback]:
In His time, In His Time
He makes all things beautiful in His time.
Lord please show me every day
As your teaching me Your way
That You do just what You say
In Your time.
In Your time, In Your Time
You make all things beautiful in Your time.
Lord my life to You I bring
May each song I have to sing
Be to you a lovely thing
In Your time.
Prayer gathering was awesome though.
____________________________________________________
Song of the Moment [Throwback]:
In His time, In His Time
He makes all things beautiful in His time.
Lord please show me every day
As your teaching me Your way
That You do just what You say
In Your time.
In Your time, In Your Time
You make all things beautiful in Your time.
Lord my life to You I bring
May each song I have to sing
Be to you a lovely thing
In Your time.
-In His Time
주님의 시간에 주의 뜻 이뤄지리 기다려
하루하루 살동안 주님 인도하시니
주 뜻 이룰때까지 기다려
기다려 기다려 주의 뜻 이뤄지리 기다려
주의 뜻 이뤄질 때 우리들의 모든 것
아름답게 변하리 기다려
-주님의 시간에
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Thoughts [3.05.09]
1. Usually, whenever I get to prayer gathering I'm tired. I trudge in, hoping that God will somehow refill me. Kinda like Abbie said, I tend to reflect on my weaknesses, shortcomings, and tiredness. Yeah, I kinda look up in search for rest and strength, but that's about it. Funny thing is, I usually walk out relaxed, empowered, and inspired.
I love prayer gatherings. Too bad I don't remember His faithfulness on a regular basis. Let's try harder.
2. I realized during prayer gathering that I tend to judge who is worthy of the gospel. Actually, it's more like, I judge to see if it's worth sharing the gospel with certain people. I look at them and determine that they have an extremely low chance of accepting it, so I don't even try.
Like with my party friends, I don't share. Why? Cuz inherently I think that the joy God provides is less than the shallow pleasure provided by partying. I don't think that my friends would give it up in order to live a "boring, upright life".
I don't share with my smart friends. Why? Cuz I think that they're too intellectual and that they'll tend to scientifically and logically dissect God and walk away unconvinced. I don't think that they would give in to an "irrational, faith-based life".
Is my gospel really that bland? Is it really that unworthy? Is it really that exclusive and limited?
I was humbled as I realized that I'm just here to sow the seeds, to throw them as wide and far as I can without discrimination. God will cultivate them as He sees fit. Who am I to judge what soil is good or bad? I will stop playing God. I cannot pick and choose.
3. Something else I was humbled by was my attitude towards those who I call my "brothers" and "sisters". It's awful how we have this bystander mentality. We just watch and do nothing as those around us struggle or fall away. I don't know whether it's selfishness or apathy or what it is, but it is not who God wants us to be. It's not what we say; we pray all the time that we would be united and journey on this narrow path together. But our actions speak so differently.
In our classes or in our life groups. The fringe members who fall away. The friend that's going through tough times (do I even deserve to call myself a friend?). We just watch. What the eff is wrong with us? wrong with me...
Let's take a stand.
4. Last two entries add up to this:
Realization. Repentance. Redirection. Redemption.
I have seen my mistakes. I put them at the cross. I will change my attitude and actions. The rest is up to God.
overnOUT
I love prayer gatherings. Too bad I don't remember His faithfulness on a regular basis. Let's try harder.
2. I realized during prayer gathering that I tend to judge who is worthy of the gospel. Actually, it's more like, I judge to see if it's worth sharing the gospel with certain people. I look at them and determine that they have an extremely low chance of accepting it, so I don't even try.
Like with my party friends, I don't share. Why? Cuz inherently I think that the joy God provides is less than the shallow pleasure provided by partying. I don't think that my friends would give it up in order to live a "boring, upright life".
I don't share with my smart friends. Why? Cuz I think that they're too intellectual and that they'll tend to scientifically and logically dissect God and walk away unconvinced. I don't think that they would give in to an "irrational, faith-based life".
Is my gospel really that bland? Is it really that unworthy? Is it really that exclusive and limited?
I was humbled as I realized that I'm just here to sow the seeds, to throw them as wide and far as I can without discrimination. God will cultivate them as He sees fit. Who am I to judge what soil is good or bad? I will stop playing God. I cannot pick and choose.
3. Something else I was humbled by was my attitude towards those who I call my "brothers" and "sisters". It's awful how we have this bystander mentality. We just watch and do nothing as those around us struggle or fall away. I don't know whether it's selfishness or apathy or what it is, but it is not who God wants us to be. It's not what we say; we pray all the time that we would be united and journey on this narrow path together. But our actions speak so differently.
In our classes or in our life groups. The fringe members who fall away. The friend that's going through tough times (do I even deserve to call myself a friend?). We just watch. What the eff is wrong with us? wrong with me...
Let's take a stand.
4. Last two entries add up to this:
Realization. Repentance. Redirection. Redemption.
I have seen my mistakes. I put them at the cross. I will change my attitude and actions. The rest is up to God.
overnOUT
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Thoughts [3.04.09]
주님 뜻대로 살기로 했네 뒤돌아 서지 안겠네
I have decided to live for God's will, there is no turning back.
I have decided to live for God's will, there is no turning back.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Thoughts [3.03.09]
Prelude to the real heavy duty thoughts: My titles are boring, yet my entries are not cohesive enough to merit a single, entertaining headline. Sigh.
1. FML? I like the site, but I don't like the idea. Who said it's your life to fuck? What a prideful, arrogant thing to say? It just reminds me that I can't change one hair from black to white, or add a cubit to my stature (as much as I would love to). Who says that your life is in a position so bad that you'd like to "fuck your life"? I know a lot of other people whose lives are truly fucked beyond the almost trivial blips we complain about in our lives.
2. I realized how hard it is for me to curse now. Even after reading what I typed, the eff word looks so harsh and ugly. How I have changed from the youth that spat out words that would make a sailor cringe.
2.5 I changed the f word to f**k, but then changed it back for literary emphasis.
3. I've recently just realized more of what it means to give up our lives for Jesus. To me, it means something that people might consider extreme, after all, we are giving up our lives. It means, that the old me and the new me should not and cannot coexist with one another any more. It really means, "so long self" (a good song by MercyMe).
It means that the way I live should be radical and purposeful. It means that I can't just be the lazy, procrastinating slacker that I always was. It's almost analogous to getting into shape. All of those miracle pills, "5 minute machines", or crazy ab machines aren't going to get you into shape, or at least not with lasting, genuine results. It requires a change of lifestyle. It requires a change of perspective. And that's what people are talking about when they talk about transformation.
As someone who was "born into" the faith, I can see why we're so unlikely to do so. We've grown up with the idea that we should be transformed and new, but we haven't seen it in the lives of others, so we've grown content with living our old lives, but with the addition of 25 minutes of prayer a week. It's analogous to eating a Big Mac, Chipotle burrito, a Blimpy burger, and a cheese cake and then ordering a diet coke. But more than just working out, or eating one healthy meal, it has to be a consistent, daily effort.
overnOUT
1. FML? I like the site, but I don't like the idea. Who said it's your life to fuck? What a prideful, arrogant thing to say? It just reminds me that I can't change one hair from black to white, or add a cubit to my stature (as much as I would love to). Who says that your life is in a position so bad that you'd like to "fuck your life"? I know a lot of other people whose lives are truly fucked beyond the almost trivial blips we complain about in our lives.
2. I realized how hard it is for me to curse now. Even after reading what I typed, the eff word looks so harsh and ugly. How I have changed from the youth that spat out words that would make a sailor cringe.
2.5 I changed the f word to f**k, but then changed it back for literary emphasis.
3. I've recently just realized more of what it means to give up our lives for Jesus. To me, it means something that people might consider extreme, after all, we are giving up our lives. It means, that the old me and the new me should not and cannot coexist with one another any more. It really means, "so long self" (a good song by MercyMe).
It means that the way I live should be radical and purposeful. It means that I can't just be the lazy, procrastinating slacker that I always was. It's almost analogous to getting into shape. All of those miracle pills, "5 minute machines", or crazy ab machines aren't going to get you into shape, or at least not with lasting, genuine results. It requires a change of lifestyle. It requires a change of perspective. And that's what people are talking about when they talk about transformation.
As someone who was "born into" the faith, I can see why we're so unlikely to do so. We've grown up with the idea that we should be transformed and new, but we haven't seen it in the lives of others, so we've grown content with living our old lives, but with the addition of 25 minutes of prayer a week. It's analogous to eating a Big Mac, Chipotle burrito, a Blimpy burger, and a cheese cake and then ordering a diet coke. But more than just working out, or eating one healthy meal, it has to be a consistent, daily effort.
overnOUT
Monday, March 2, 2009
More of a regular journal entry: [3.02.09]
Today was the first day of classes after spring break. It is really hard to get back into the swing of things.
My brain isn't functioning yet. Kinda like my physical strength, my mental perseverance and endurance deteriorates with lack of use. Plus it doesn't help that I'm trying to study things like applied partial differential equations with fourier series and boundary values. >.<
Currently I am reading an autobiography of a blind pastor and it is filled with some amazing things. His life is just another example of how faithful and sovereign our God is. This guy is old school; he says that for him, poverty and destitution were required in order to fully understand some of the principles of serving the Lord (or something like that...)
Also, as a young blind man, he dedicated himself to his studies like a rabid creature, something I wish I could do. He realized early on that there's no time to waste, that the grains of time are like precious diamonds slipping through the cracks of our hands. Man, I would read things like that and then think about how I still struggle with time management. -.-
Anyway, all of this reading about stuff has gotten me pumped up! But my brain can't seem to keep up with my heart, because as I shared, I've been in a slump trying to get back into the world of academia.
Bleh, that's where I stand as of now. I had actually gotten into my bed, prayed my pre-slumber prayers before I realized I didn't write. So now I shall return to the bed which cries out my name.
overnOUT
My brain isn't functioning yet. Kinda like my physical strength, my mental perseverance and endurance deteriorates with lack of use. Plus it doesn't help that I'm trying to study things like applied partial differential equations with fourier series and boundary values. >.<
Currently I am reading an autobiography of a blind pastor and it is filled with some amazing things. His life is just another example of how faithful and sovereign our God is. This guy is old school; he says that for him, poverty and destitution were required in order to fully understand some of the principles of serving the Lord (or something like that...)
Also, as a young blind man, he dedicated himself to his studies like a rabid creature, something I wish I could do. He realized early on that there's no time to waste, that the grains of time are like precious diamonds slipping through the cracks of our hands. Man, I would read things like that and then think about how I still struggle with time management. -.-
Anyway, all of this reading about stuff has gotten me pumped up! But my brain can't seem to keep up with my heart, because as I shared, I've been in a slump trying to get back into the world of academia.
Bleh, that's where I stand as of now. I had actually gotten into my bed, prayed my pre-slumber prayers before I realized I didn't write. So now I shall return to the bed which cries out my name.
overnOUT
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Thoughts [3.01.09]
1. God is the ultimate planner. So many times, I make my own plans and in my limited scope, I can't see that there's a better path/plan available. That's why it's so imperative to have faith in God, to hold everything loosely, and to trust that God knows what He's doing.
2. A lot of the times, I think I talk just because I want other people to know what I'm thinking, or because I think that they can benefit from what I'm thinking.
So, I'm gonna talk less. I always revered those people of few words who spoke sparsely but loaded with wisdom. I don't think I could do that, but I can decrease the sheer volume of my words by cutting out the self glorifying, needless talk that doesn't benefit anyone.
3. Related to talking less, I also want to learn how to be a better listener. So I'm going to try to listen more and be more interested in what people are saying and not be annoyed by them.
4. I wanna invest more in people. I'm bad at chipping away past the superficial, so it will be a worthy task of epic proportions.
overnOUT
2. A lot of the times, I think I talk just because I want other people to know what I'm thinking, or because I think that they can benefit from what I'm thinking.
So, I'm gonna talk less. I always revered those people of few words who spoke sparsely but loaded with wisdom. I don't think I could do that, but I can decrease the sheer volume of my words by cutting out the self glorifying, needless talk that doesn't benefit anyone.
3. Related to talking less, I also want to learn how to be a better listener. So I'm going to try to listen more and be more interested in what people are saying and not be annoyed by them.
4. I wanna invest more in people. I'm bad at chipping away past the superficial, so it will be a worthy task of epic proportions.
overnOUT
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