This is nonsense. Not worth reading

No real thoughts today, at least, none before I start racking my brain.

Today was busy: Woke up, study, get ready, church, work on stuff, church, dinner, study with very few minutes in between.

Just been mad busy these days? Just too tired/rushed to stop and think. Can't wait for Spring break so I can just...chillax with the fellas.

After Vday, I feel so reverse blessed. Reverse blessed:= Getting blessed in the process of/after blessing someone.

1. I think I have one thought. I realize that the lens with which I view myself is always: weakness, flaws, and shortcomings. I don't tend to view myself in a positive light. It's not that I have low self esteem, but rather that I realize constantly how I fall short/continue to fall short in multiple areas of my life. I try to reevaluate myself at the end of the day or after an event and I usually get to see some sort of deficiency on my end.

Sometimes it's tiring. Like, I want to just live in the ignorant bliss and convince myself that I don't have to know all of the intricacies of my human weakness. And at other times, God says, "I know you're messed up. I always knew that flaw that you only found out today". and it shows me of his redeeming love.

Unfortunately (?) because this is the lens in which I view myself, it's often the lens I view other people through. Not because I'm judging them, but because when I "put myself in their shoes" I analyze them just like I analyze myself. I think this often presents itself as condescending or self-righteous... and..maybe it is? I definitely don't consciously mean it like that, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's not.

2. When I'm busy I search for time. When I have time, I search for things to do. Irony.