1. It's great to have dreams, but in a lot of cases our dreams live and die in our head. To actualize your dream, it's imperative to take that first step. They won't just become reality as you just sit there chilling. If we're serious about our dreams, we gotta get off our butts and go at it (Daida rule #1)
How amazing would it be if we lived in a world where everyone worked hard to achieve their dreams?
2. I am pumped. It's the season to be harder, better, faster, stronger in every area of our lives. We've been refreshed, so now we pursue more diligently than before. Let's do it. Just do it.
overnOUT
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Makeup for [2.27.09]
I missed yesterday, so I'm writing this morning.
Yesterday was the day after Tampa and my parents picked me up. We ran into an unexpected friend and my parents insisted we have lunch with them, lol. fun fun.
I was sick so I slept the moment I came home, 5: 45 pm, till now, 9:03 am.
I will sleep some more perhaps. It was a bad idea writing a blog so early in the morning. I can't think fast or fully enough.
overnout.
Yesterday was the day after Tampa and my parents picked me up. We ran into an unexpected friend and my parents insisted we have lunch with them, lol. fun fun.
I was sick so I slept the moment I came home, 5: 45 pm, till now, 9:03 am.
I will sleep some more perhaps. It was a bad idea writing a blog so early in the morning. I can't think fast or fully enough.
overnout.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Thoughts [2.26.09]
So. I've realized one thing: People are so eloquent in their blog writing
Maybe they are all gifted with a natural affinity for words or maybe I just don't think enough before I jot down my thoughts.
1. It is hard to love people. I stink at this. I am constantly reminded that Jesus' love was unconditional, simply meaning that no conditions dictated His love for us. I'm gonna try to be a more gentle, understanding person.
2. I've realized a little bit more of what the Transformasphere movement is about. I used to be the type of person who thought that the only way to truly serve God was by being a pastor/missionary.
But I think the idea behind Transformasphere is that we can work regular jobs with a missionary passion. NO, like really. To wake up, ready for your 9 to 5, realizing that this is literally your mission field. This isn't really new, but when you begin to actually understand the words rather than just hearing them, it makes a lot more sense.
3. I realized one thing FER SURE. So, reading, "What's so Amazing About Grace?" (Highly, highly recommended, just ask me for it), there's a line that talks about people who are "good in the worst sense of the word". You know, like those people who just try to fix other people, instead of trying to understand them. Or trying to fix other people so it makes things easier for you rather than truly having their best interest in mind.
I don't really know where to draw the line or find the balance. There has to be a time to confront, to offer advice, and to rebuke, but at the same time, there has to be some grace resembling that which Jesus offers us. You know, like the prodigal son or promiscuous woman examples. I have to constantly remind myself not to judge, because there are always things I don't know, things I assume.
aite, I hit 3 things, so: overnOUT
Maybe they are all gifted with a natural affinity for words or maybe I just don't think enough before I jot down my thoughts.
1. It is hard to love people. I stink at this. I am constantly reminded that Jesus' love was unconditional, simply meaning that no conditions dictated His love for us. I'm gonna try to be a more gentle, understanding person.
2. I've realized a little bit more of what the Transformasphere movement is about. I used to be the type of person who thought that the only way to truly serve God was by being a pastor/missionary.
But I think the idea behind Transformasphere is that we can work regular jobs with a missionary passion. NO, like really. To wake up, ready for your 9 to 5, realizing that this is literally your mission field. This isn't really new, but when you begin to actually understand the words rather than just hearing them, it makes a lot more sense.
3. I realized one thing FER SURE. So, reading, "What's so Amazing About Grace?" (Highly, highly recommended, just ask me for it), there's a line that talks about people who are "good in the worst sense of the word". You know, like those people who just try to fix other people, instead of trying to understand them. Or trying to fix other people so it makes things easier for you rather than truly having their best interest in mind.
I don't really know where to draw the line or find the balance. There has to be a time to confront, to offer advice, and to rebuke, but at the same time, there has to be some grace resembling that which Jesus offers us. You know, like the prodigal son or promiscuous woman examples. I have to constantly remind myself not to judge, because there are always things I don't know, things I assume.
aite, I hit 3 things, so: overnOUT
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
So I missed one, big woop [2.25.09]
Yesterday we played bball, went to an outlet mall, and chilled in Orlando.
Today we went to Universal Studios + Island of Adventure.
No laptops, therefore no blogging.
Topics for today: Pride & God's blessings
1. Pride is really hard to deal with. You know those situations, where you kinda sorta did something right and you want the whole world to know about it (or at least ONE other person) because you want the world to know how awesome you are? Well, I have those moments often.
Man! (that's right, I pulled out the exclamation point) It's so hard to keep it in! To be the only [mortal] one to know tears at the very fibers that are holding my lips together. Maybe that's what my significant other is for. Maybe it's not pride to share with her? Lol. If that's the case, she might be listening A LOT. hahaha.
To not long for acknowledgment is such an ideal quest. Yet it's what being a Christian requires, to live for His glory and acknowledgment, not mine. For someone who thirsts for attention and acknowledgment as much as I do, this is one aspect of what it means to die to oneself.
2. God sure knows how to time His blessings. To bless me at a time where I can better understand the gravity of the blessing, a time where I can be more grateful. And I have no reserves when it comes to blessings. I'm selfish, I'll suck at the blessing for everything it's worth. I also realized that when He is blessing me, it's my duty to make sure NOTHING gets in the way of me fully relishing and savoring His blessing. Not my circumstances, nor my pride.
And then the next course of action is to PTL and then pay it forward.
Today we went to Universal Studios + Island of Adventure.
No laptops, therefore no blogging.
Topics for today: Pride & God's blessings
1. Pride is really hard to deal with. You know those situations, where you kinda sorta did something right and you want the whole world to know about it (or at least ONE other person) because you want the world to know how awesome you are? Well, I have those moments often.
Man! (that's right, I pulled out the exclamation point) It's so hard to keep it in! To be the only [mortal] one to know tears at the very fibers that are holding my lips together. Maybe that's what my significant other is for. Maybe it's not pride to share with her? Lol. If that's the case, she might be listening A LOT. hahaha.
To not long for acknowledgment is such an ideal quest. Yet it's what being a Christian requires, to live for His glory and acknowledgment, not mine. For someone who thirsts for attention and acknowledgment as much as I do, this is one aspect of what it means to die to oneself.
2. God sure knows how to time His blessings. To bless me at a time where I can better understand the gravity of the blessing, a time where I can be more grateful. And I have no reserves when it comes to blessings. I'm selfish, I'll suck at the blessing for everything it's worth. I also realized that when He is blessing me, it's my duty to make sure NOTHING gets in the way of me fully relishing and savoring His blessing. Not my circumstances, nor my pride.
And then the next course of action is to PTL and then pay it forward.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Thoughts [2.23.09]
I haven't been thinking while on SB, since most of my thoughts begin during a solitary down time, which hasn't happend. haha
Today we went to Busch Gardens, rode rides, and saw animals. Twas cool. It totally felt like summer.
Ok here goes some of the thoughts I had in reserve:
1. One of the cool quotes I heard in a sermon on our way to Toronto: "He does not call the equipped, but equips those who He calls". Lines like this one help to rid me of my anxiety, giving me confidence because of who He is, rather than because of who I am and what I can do.
2. Another quote that's applicable to my situation: "Don't count down the days, rather make them count". Amen. I have little over 4 months left. I want to make sure I live everyday I have to the fullest and with a purpose in mind. To not squander my time and opportunities, but make the best of both.
3. Outkast says: "You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather". How true. In the end, it always was and will be in God's hands. I can do my part, but there's that gigantic area that is not under my control. In those areas, I must have faith and flexibility, humility and dependence on Him.
Turned out to be more like, 3 quotes from other people, lol.
overnOUT
Today we went to Busch Gardens, rode rides, and saw animals. Twas cool. It totally felt like summer.
Ok here goes some of the thoughts I had in reserve:
1. One of the cool quotes I heard in a sermon on our way to Toronto: "He does not call the equipped, but equips those who He calls". Lines like this one help to rid me of my anxiety, giving me confidence because of who He is, rather than because of who I am and what I can do.
2. Another quote that's applicable to my situation: "Don't count down the days, rather make them count". Amen. I have little over 4 months left. I want to make sure I live everyday I have to the fullest and with a purpose in mind. To not squander my time and opportunities, but make the best of both.
3. Outkast says: "You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather". How true. In the end, it always was and will be in God's hands. I can do my part, but there's that gigantic area that is not under my control. In those areas, I must have faith and flexibility, humility and dependence on Him.
Turned out to be more like, 3 quotes from other people, lol.
overnOUT
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Thoughts [2.22.09]
Well, I'll unload 4 thoughts that have been pent up due to my lack of time.
I have more, but alas, no time. Here it goes, FIFO style:
1. Spiritual growth is very similar to physical muscle growth. There need to be trials, pains, and hardships in order for us to develop our character, spiritual strength, and perseverance just like muscle needs those little tears in order to grow back stronger.
How cool would it be if Frontline/sophomores viewed their struggles like that? Not like, "oh, it's inevitable sophomore slump, let's just try to survive", but rather by seeing that we will probably grow so radically during this time and that it's during these hardships that we need to thrive. If we could view our struggles in this new light, how powerful would that be?
2. We have only one life to live, and only one death to die. Why not strive for an eternal legacy? Why not live and die in some spectacular manner? To milk life for all that it is worth? Balanced, normal people don't make history. Only those slightly off kilter, crazy, passionate people shape history. Am I willing to do that? I guess I never wanted to settle for normal. sigh.
Death will come. Why not go out with a bang? Like a martyr? hehe, especially since there are no consequences for the way you die. Well, at least for the person that dies anyway...
3. Man. If there are people lifting up prayers for me, like friends, family and LG, then I should be honoring their prayers and trying to grow as much as possible. I feel like when I am not on that track, I am indirectly dishonoring the contributions they sow into my life. It's kinda like realizing that I am not my own any longer and that my actions carry an heavier weight.
4. I used to have a prayer request to never grow up to be a grumpy old man. I think I need to bring that back. ^^
overnOUT
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Too Tired.
Drained from the Canada trip.
Spent lots of time singing/sitting in the car.
Sight saw.
Ate some delish chinese food.
Saw a big tower and was reminded that I have a huge fear of heights.
I think I have a lot of thoughts.
Look forward to an outpouring of them later.
overnOUT
Spent lots of time singing/sitting in the car.
Sight saw.
Ate some delish chinese food.
Saw a big tower and was reminded that I have a huge fear of heights.
I think I have a lot of thoughts.
Look forward to an outpouring of them later.
overnOUT
No Time For Words
IN LONDON (Canada...)
Went to Mexican Town in Detroit.
Ate, went back to AA, went to Wongsta's house and now in a layover in London, Canada.
overnOUT
Went to Mexican Town in Detroit.
Ate, went back to AA, went to Wongsta's house and now in a layover in London, Canada.
overnOUT
Thursday, February 19, 2009
No Time [2/19/09]
Free Bagel from Bert's: $0
Slice of Backroom Pizza: $1
NRB:$7.50
Exam Tomorrow @ 10 am: 11% of my grade.
Screaming my lungs out with friends: Priceless.
Slice of Backroom Pizza: $1
NRB:$7.50
Exam Tomorrow @ 10 am: 11% of my grade.
Screaming my lungs out with friends: Priceless.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Lack thereof [2/18/09]
1. My nerves are getting frazzled. I keep forgetting things. Unimportant and important alike. Sigh.
2. I secretly like it when we go over time in Life group due to talking, even though it cuts into studying time.
3. Today I botched the lyrics to "Amazed" during praise time. I sang "you dance unaware" and then when I realized, I made a funny sound signalling my mistake. I opened my eyes and Wen was struggling to not laugh. I had to sing the rest of the song with a smile cuz I thought it was too funny. Haha
4. I'm getting lazier and lazier as spring break approaches.
5. My quads burn.
overnOUT
-------------------------------
Radical love, Radical lives: http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/02/19/survivor.extendedfamily/index.html
2. I secretly like it when we go over time in Life group due to talking, even though it cuts into studying time.
3. Today I botched the lyrics to "Amazed" during praise time. I sang "you dance unaware" and then when I realized, I made a funny sound signalling my mistake. I opened my eyes and Wen was struggling to not laugh. I had to sing the rest of the song with a smile cuz I thought it was too funny. Haha
4. I'm getting lazier and lazier as spring break approaches.
5. My quads burn.
overnOUT
-------------------------------
Radical love, Radical lives: http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/02/19/survivor.extendedfamily/index.html
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Thoughts (or lack thereof) [2/17/09]
Today was semi-packed and uneventful. I wasted lots of time (4 hoursish) today. That's a lot. sigh.
1. One thing I remember from Daida's class: Be careful to remember that you are not an A student rather, you are a student that tends to get A's. When we get these mixed up, it tends to undermine who we are. When we get our B's, C's, and lower, our identity crumbles and we are devastated. We are lost and confused, because we thought that we were straight A students!! What happens when we don't get A's?! We lose our identity!
That's why we gotta keep the correct perspective in mind. Gotta trudge on. We tend to get A's. sometimes we don't. It's all g. We are merely students, here to learn. B's, C's, and D's shouldn't crumble the core of our person. We don't like them, and we aim for A's, but it's not the end of the world.
1.5. I am a closet perfectionist.
2. Diggin this line right now:
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again.
Interesting God, eh?
overnOUT
1. One thing I remember from Daida's class: Be careful to remember that you are not an A student rather, you are a student that tends to get A's. When we get these mixed up, it tends to undermine who we are. When we get our B's, C's, and lower, our identity crumbles and we are devastated. We are lost and confused, because we thought that we were straight A students!! What happens when we don't get A's?! We lose our identity!
That's why we gotta keep the correct perspective in mind. Gotta trudge on. We tend to get A's. sometimes we don't. It's all g. We are merely students, here to learn. B's, C's, and D's shouldn't crumble the core of our person. We don't like them, and we aim for A's, but it's not the end of the world.
1.5. I am a closet perfectionist.
2. Diggin this line right now:
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again.
Interesting God, eh?
overnOUT
Monday, February 16, 2009
Thoughts [2/16/09]
Lots today:
1. So, the year after I come back from Indonesia, what happens at Grad night? Do I join Remedy and bless Frontline? or do I receive a blessing that I am not qualified for? Sigh at minor sacrifices.
2. Spring Break: Maybe I'll write one thing I'm excited for everyday till we actually leave.
#1. Excited to read textbooks/do homework on the beach. Warm sunlight bathing me while I read about partial differential equations, nuclear cross sections, probability and expected values, and bad debt expenses. Fun.
3. It's easy to get bitter at God for things you don't have. But focusing on what you don't have, makes you forget to be grateful for everything you do have. I should stop focusing on myself so much and just focus on God.
4. I think one of my previous statuses was "Keep your head up". Today, I pressed play on iTunes and a song called, "God will lift your head up"came on. Awesome. Even when I can't lift "Keep my head up to the sky" God will do it for me. How great is our God?
5. If you don't wanna slip, avoid the ice. So why don't we avoid temptation if we don't wanna stumble?
6. I am whiny. I am spoiled. I guess I expect everything to come naturally/easy to me. I want to have a perfect singing voice. I want to be the pinnacle of athleticism. I want to have multiple other traits that stand out above the rest. But the funny thing is, I don't try. I don't practice. I don't do my part. I get frustrated when I find out that I'm not a prodigy in any of these areas (prodigy = overstatement. Maybe competent is a more realistic word).
I decided that I'm gonna stop whining about what I'm bad at and instead work to improve it. I suck at running. I suck at swimming. I suck at biking. I decided that one of my goals in life is to partake in a triathlon. I never ran under a 7 minute mile. I learned how to ride a bike in 10th grade from my younger brother. I've never learned how to swim. So, in order to achieve this life goal, I'll have to practice till I drop. Sounds about what I'm aiming for.
I mean, even people with naturally gifted abilities practice. Who do I think I am that I don't have to practice? So no more complaining about my inherent physical ineptitude. Rather, I'll work on it, participate in sports more. I'm gonna keep at it until I'm good or reach an insurmountable plateau.
My unwillingness to try initially is also linked to my fear of failure/self consciousness, but that's another post for another day. I'm jealous of people who can try without shame when they mess up. Or rather, those who don't care that they messed up and try again.
Ironically enough, I think this also links to the spiritual side of things (ironic because we don't usually equate physical to spiritual). Sometimes I'm frustrated because I'm not blessed with spiritual discipline, powerful prayers, and whatever other spiritual gifts/traits.
But just as before, I don't do my part to cultivate them. I don't take the time to build them up, little by little. So just like the top part, I'm gonna try to do my best to develop my spiritual side.
7. I purposefully left the long one for last so that you guys could just read the shorter ones first. Well, it was last till I wrote this one.
That was long. overnOUT
1. So, the year after I come back from Indonesia, what happens at Grad night? Do I join Remedy and bless Frontline? or do I receive a blessing that I am not qualified for? Sigh at minor sacrifices.
2. Spring Break: Maybe I'll write one thing I'm excited for everyday till we actually leave.
#1. Excited to read textbooks/do homework on the beach. Warm sunlight bathing me while I read about partial differential equations, nuclear cross sections, probability and expected values, and bad debt expenses. Fun.
3. It's easy to get bitter at God for things you don't have. But focusing on what you don't have, makes you forget to be grateful for everything you do have. I should stop focusing on myself so much and just focus on God.
4. I think one of my previous statuses was "Keep your head up". Today, I pressed play on iTunes and a song called, "God will lift your head up"came on. Awesome. Even when I can't lift "Keep my head up to the sky" God will do it for me. How great is our God?
5. If you don't wanna slip, avoid the ice. So why don't we avoid temptation if we don't wanna stumble?
6. I am whiny. I am spoiled. I guess I expect everything to come naturally/easy to me. I want to have a perfect singing voice. I want to be the pinnacle of athleticism. I want to have multiple other traits that stand out above the rest. But the funny thing is, I don't try. I don't practice. I don't do my part. I get frustrated when I find out that I'm not a prodigy in any of these areas (prodigy = overstatement. Maybe competent is a more realistic word).
I decided that I'm gonna stop whining about what I'm bad at and instead work to improve it. I suck at running. I suck at swimming. I suck at biking. I decided that one of my goals in life is to partake in a triathlon. I never ran under a 7 minute mile. I learned how to ride a bike in 10th grade from my younger brother. I've never learned how to swim. So, in order to achieve this life goal, I'll have to practice till I drop. Sounds about what I'm aiming for.
I mean, even people with naturally gifted abilities practice. Who do I think I am that I don't have to practice? So no more complaining about my inherent physical ineptitude. Rather, I'll work on it, participate in sports more. I'm gonna keep at it until I'm good or reach an insurmountable plateau.
My unwillingness to try initially is also linked to my fear of failure/self consciousness, but that's another post for another day. I'm jealous of people who can try without shame when they mess up. Or rather, those who don't care that they messed up and try again.
Ironically enough, I think this also links to the spiritual side of things (ironic because we don't usually equate physical to spiritual). Sometimes I'm frustrated because I'm not blessed with spiritual discipline, powerful prayers, and whatever other spiritual gifts/traits.
But just as before, I don't do my part to cultivate them. I don't take the time to build them up, little by little. So just like the top part, I'm gonna try to do my best to develop my spiritual side.
7. I purposefully left the long one for last so that you guys could just read the shorter ones first. Well, it was last till I wrote this one.
That was long. overnOUT
Sunday, February 15, 2009
This is nonsense. Not worth reading
No real thoughts today, at least, none before I start racking my brain.
Today was busy: Woke up, study, get ready, church, work on stuff, church, dinner, study with very few minutes in between.
Just been mad busy these days? Just too tired/rushed to stop and think. Can't wait for Spring break so I can just...chillax with the fellas.
After Vday, I feel so reverse blessed. Reverse blessed:= Getting blessed in the process of/after blessing someone.
1. I think I have one thought. I realize that the lens with which I view myself is always: weakness, flaws, and shortcomings. I don't tend to view myself in a positive light. It's not that I have low self esteem, but rather that I realize constantly how I fall short/continue to fall short in multiple areas of my life. I try to reevaluate myself at the end of the day or after an event and I usually get to see some sort of deficiency on my end.
Sometimes it's tiring. Like, I want to just live in the ignorant bliss and convince myself that I don't have to know all of the intricacies of my human weakness. And at other times, God says, "I know you're messed up. I always knew that flaw that you only found out today". and it shows me of his redeeming love.
Unfortunately (?) because this is the lens in which I view myself, it's often the lens I view other people through. Not because I'm judging them, but because when I "put myself in their shoes" I analyze them just like I analyze myself. I think this often presents itself as condescending or self-righteous... and..maybe it is? I definitely don't consciously mean it like that, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's not.
2. When I'm busy I search for time. When I have time, I search for things to do. Irony.
Today was busy: Woke up, study, get ready, church, work on stuff, church, dinner, study with very few minutes in between.
Just been mad busy these days? Just too tired/rushed to stop and think. Can't wait for Spring break so I can just...chillax with the fellas.
After Vday, I feel so reverse blessed. Reverse blessed:= Getting blessed in the process of/after blessing someone.
1. I think I have one thought. I realize that the lens with which I view myself is always: weakness, flaws, and shortcomings. I don't tend to view myself in a positive light. It's not that I have low self esteem, but rather that I realize constantly how I fall short/continue to fall short in multiple areas of my life. I try to reevaluate myself at the end of the day or after an event and I usually get to see some sort of deficiency on my end.
Sometimes it's tiring. Like, I want to just live in the ignorant bliss and convince myself that I don't have to know all of the intricacies of my human weakness. And at other times, God says, "I know you're messed up. I always knew that flaw that you only found out today". and it shows me of his redeeming love.
Unfortunately (?) because this is the lens in which I view myself, it's often the lens I view other people through. Not because I'm judging them, but because when I "put myself in their shoes" I analyze them just like I analyze myself. I think this often presents itself as condescending or self-righteous... and..maybe it is? I definitely don't consciously mean it like that, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's not.
2. When I'm busy I search for time. When I have time, I search for things to do. Irony.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Thoughts [V-day]
V-day. Rhymes with D-Day. Coincidence? lol
1. I was really frustrated twice today. But it's ok. Because in the end it's all worth it.
2. I still need to get over myself. It's not all about me. It's not about me getting recognition. It's not about my glory. I should just go and die.
you know...die to myself. not like, suicidal. ^_________^V
3. I need to remind myself: It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.
I'm already unworthy to enter, best not put myself at a greater disadvantage lol..
overnOUT
1. I was really frustrated twice today. But it's ok. Because in the end it's all worth it.
2. I still need to get over myself. It's not all about me. It's not about me getting recognition. It's not about my glory. I should just go and die.
you know...die to myself. not like, suicidal. ^_________^V
3. I need to remind myself: It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.
I'm already unworthy to enter, best not put myself at a greater disadvantage lol..
overnOUT
Friday, February 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Thoughts [2/12/09]
1. What makes people fall away? Is it logic? Lack of empirical evidence? Loss of that first love feeling? The stagnation that will inevitably come? There's so many forces in this world which try to pull us away from faith. This is not unique to just Christianity. Isn't it weird how we can't hold a sustained fascination of amazing things? Everything seems to just...normalize after a while.
Just wondering, not judging. =.=;;
2. Something similar to thought 1 that I shared about how I would "forget" how great my God was. For me it's like my mother's cooking. She is an absolutely amazing cook, but once I came to college and was deprived of that cooking for a semester, I began to wonder. Was her cooking really that good? Was I imagining it? I mean, she was gonna come to Mich to feed my friends and I was doubtful, wondering if they would like it or not. I started to doubt it by saying that maybe I like it so much only because I grew up with it, because it was slowly ingrained into my taste buds. It's weird, when we're away from something for a while, we forget so easily.
3. Nineteen years has passed and I still don't think before I speak/type. I'm working on that. Even the stuff typed before this was just blurted out because I have to sleep soon. I should work on refining my thoughts, looking at the implications of my speech/words, and considering the impact on the reader/listener. I'm too slow in thought, but too rash in action. Perhaps this is one of the worst combinations.
4. Along with 3, I just need to stop talking about myself so much. Humility is not thinking less of oneself, but thinking of oneself less. Amen. I need that. This post isn't really helping. hahahahahha
overnOUT
Just wondering, not judging. =.=;;
2. Something similar to thought 1 that I shared about how I would "forget" how great my God was. For me it's like my mother's cooking. She is an absolutely amazing cook, but once I came to college and was deprived of that cooking for a semester, I began to wonder. Was her cooking really that good? Was I imagining it? I mean, she was gonna come to Mich to feed my friends and I was doubtful, wondering if they would like it or not. I started to doubt it by saying that maybe I like it so much only because I grew up with it, because it was slowly ingrained into my taste buds. It's weird, when we're away from something for a while, we forget so easily.
3. Nineteen years has passed and I still don't think before I speak/type. I'm working on that. Even the stuff typed before this was just blurted out because I have to sleep soon. I should work on refining my thoughts, looking at the implications of my speech/words, and considering the impact on the reader/listener. I'm too slow in thought, but too rash in action. Perhaps this is one of the worst combinations.
4. Along with 3, I just need to stop talking about myself so much. Humility is not thinking less of oneself, but thinking of oneself less. Amen. I need that. This post isn't really helping. hahahahahha
overnOUT
Quick Thought
We're gonna dance, dance, dance in the freedom we know x3
Because the freedom we know is gonna last forever!!!
Just hit me: I can't dance. TT-TT
Because the freedom we know is gonna last forever!!!
Just hit me: I can't dance. TT-TT
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Thoughts [2/11/09]
1. We can't change this world without real sacrifice, meaning there's no easy solution. sigh.
2. I'm too tired to think and would rather hug my bed.
3. Makeup is an anglicized, colonized commodified utility that my sisters have been programmed to consume.
4. Payce.
overnOUT
____________________________________________
WAIT! after the initial writing, I realized I did have some thoughts or at least one...
1. I have a hard time being flexible. Physically and personality-wise (the former doesn't matter). I have a one track mind and I have trouble deviating from it to make room for different things that come up. Like at work, if I'm supposed to be scooping out the big pot and the cook tells me to open a can of something, I open the can only after I'm done scooping, and then I realize later that I was supposed to stop what I was doing and open the can.
Same thing with reading manga, walking to class, etc. I have trouble stopping and making small talk with acquaintances/friends on my way to class because my goal is to get to class and making small talk is a deviation from that goal. I'm working on this. To be more flexible, especially in the area of people. People/relationships with them are usually more important than the task at hand.
2. I think I'm OCD, ADD, and dsylexic to some non-trivial degree. >.<
2. I'm too tired to think and would rather hug my bed.
3. Makeup is an anglicized, colonized commodified utility that my sisters have been programmed to consume.
4. Payce.
overnOUT
____________________________________________
WAIT! after the initial writing, I realized I did have some thoughts or at least one...
1. I have a hard time being flexible. Physically and personality-wise (the former doesn't matter). I have a one track mind and I have trouble deviating from it to make room for different things that come up. Like at work, if I'm supposed to be scooping out the big pot and the cook tells me to open a can of something, I open the can only after I'm done scooping, and then I realize later that I was supposed to stop what I was doing and open the can.
Same thing with reading manga, walking to class, etc. I have trouble stopping and making small talk with acquaintances/friends on my way to class because my goal is to get to class and making small talk is a deviation from that goal. I'm working on this. To be more flexible, especially in the area of people. People/relationships with them are usually more important than the task at hand.
2. I think I'm OCD, ADD, and dsylexic to some non-trivial degree. >.<
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Thoughts [2/10/09]
I'm not sure if I have many thoughts today.
1. Having faith is different from being ignorant about your beliefs. I guess I mean that blindly believing isn't a good thing. I feel like our beliefs have to have and strong logical support until logic is inapplicable and then faith helps us make that jump. Maybe? I guess I'm just saying that you should know what you believe in and why. I know it's obvious, but many times I will hit an dilemma but I'll just be too busy/tired to think about it so I'll just shove it to the back of my mind.
2. Paul Saunders is the best personal trainer ever. I've never had my upper body and lower body shake/tremble at the same time due to a work out.
3. I was "researching" for CAP and it felt like I was doing debate again, like printing out massive papers and then skimming through them to see if they have any supporting arguments/data that would prove helpful. Excited/way too nervous for Call and Response tomorrow.
4. God loves everyone. I still can't get over this.
1. Having faith is different from being ignorant about your beliefs. I guess I mean that blindly believing isn't a good thing. I feel like our beliefs have to have and strong logical support until logic is inapplicable and then faith helps us make that jump. Maybe? I guess I'm just saying that you should know what you believe in and why. I know it's obvious, but many times I will hit an dilemma but I'll just be too busy/tired to think about it so I'll just shove it to the back of my mind.
2. Paul Saunders is the best personal trainer ever. I've never had my upper body and lower body shake/tremble at the same time due to a work out.
3. I was "researching" for CAP and it felt like I was doing debate again, like printing out massive papers and then skimming through them to see if they have any supporting arguments/data that would prove helpful. Excited/way too nervous for Call and Response tomorrow.
4. God loves everyone. I still can't get over this.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Thoughts [2/09/09]
1. Amidst of all this CAP stuff, I find myself wrestling with a question. Isn't it weird that our comforts come from the discomforts of others?
In our case, we can buy nicer, cheaper clothes because poorer people are being exploited. As much as we don't want to face it, to alleviate the problem of poor labor conditions and pay, we must be willing to sacrifice the benefits we receive from their discomfort.
Are we willing to start paying more for our clothing, cars, basically everything that is imported/outsourced for manufacturing? I mean, the price of living would go through the roof! Would we be willing to rake in less profit from our investments in these big companies or receive less money as companies will try to cut costs in other areas? I mean think about it. In a communist world, where everyone is "equal" or at least not in horrid poverty and are held to similar standards, wouldn't everyone have less stuff? Are we, as Americans, willing to give up all the luxuries we are known for for the sake of those suffering halfway across the world?
It's a good question. Many times our minds know what to do, but our bodies don't follow (This week's sermon, anyone?). But in this case, our minds might know what to do, but they might not want to follow what they know is right, because it requires sacrificing comfort, something that only a few of us are willing to give up.
2. "In your freedom I will live, I offer devotion" I realized today that I'm not perfect. I mean, obviously, I'm not perfect, but I guess that there's just a dissatisfaction with not being perfect. Like, goshdarnit, I wanna be perfect! and perhaps I haven't come to terms with the fact that I will never be perfect no matter how hard I try and labor.
The reason that this relates to the starting quote is that if I am to offer my devotion, I can't devote myself to my own perfection (talking more about the physical/mental/giftings aspect here) and devote myself to God at the same time. I guess one of the freedoms that God offers me is that I am not perfect, but I don't have to be. I am as He made me and I guess I should be satisfied with that. To even believe that He made me for a reason. Weird, no? Got gives us weaknesses as well as strengths for a specific cause.
In our case, we can buy nicer, cheaper clothes because poorer people are being exploited. As much as we don't want to face it, to alleviate the problem of poor labor conditions and pay, we must be willing to sacrifice the benefits we receive from their discomfort.
Are we willing to start paying more for our clothing, cars, basically everything that is imported/outsourced for manufacturing? I mean, the price of living would go through the roof! Would we be willing to rake in less profit from our investments in these big companies or receive less money as companies will try to cut costs in other areas? I mean think about it. In a communist world, where everyone is "equal" or at least not in horrid poverty and are held to similar standards, wouldn't everyone have less stuff? Are we, as Americans, willing to give up all the luxuries we are known for for the sake of those suffering halfway across the world?
It's a good question. Many times our minds know what to do, but our bodies don't follow (This week's sermon, anyone?). But in this case, our minds might know what to do, but they might not want to follow what they know is right, because it requires sacrificing comfort, something that only a few of us are willing to give up.
2. "In your freedom I will live, I offer devotion" I realized today that I'm not perfect. I mean, obviously, I'm not perfect, but I guess that there's just a dissatisfaction with not being perfect. Like, goshdarnit, I wanna be perfect! and perhaps I haven't come to terms with the fact that I will never be perfect no matter how hard I try and labor.
The reason that this relates to the starting quote is that if I am to offer my devotion, I can't devote myself to my own perfection (talking more about the physical/mental/giftings aspect here) and devote myself to God at the same time. I guess one of the freedoms that God offers me is that I am not perfect, but I don't have to be. I am as He made me and I guess I should be satisfied with that. To even believe that He made me for a reason. Weird, no? Got gives us weaknesses as well as strengths for a specific cause.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Thoughts [2.08.09]
Don't you think it's weird when you look back to who you used to be?
I just posted a Facebook note which shows one of my entries from 3 years ago today. It's like... MAD WEIRD.
Looking back is like just..ew? hahahah man.
I wish I had more time....to just chill...
I just posted a Facebook note which shows one of my entries from 3 years ago today. It's like... MAD WEIRD.
Looking back is like just..ew? hahahah man.
I wish I had more time....to just chill...
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Almost forgot, what else is new.
So I was saving my thoughts for a rainy day, but! since tonight was Ministry Appreciation night, I'll share with you my favorite worshipers and ministry teams:
1. Favorite Worshipper: Dominic: I don't mean to offend, but he's tone deaf. That being said he is the most passionate worshiper I know. I respect him, because I'm sure to some extent he knows that he's tone deaf, but that doesn't stop him from worshipping with all his heart and body. I wish I could have an ounce of the joy he must have. The sight of him worshipping often humbles me because I realize that I restrain myself too much because I fear the eyes of men and because I used to be too quick to judge.
2. Favorite Ministry Team: Facilities and Maintenance team. I feel that this team, above all, have a heart of servitude. I feel this way because they don't ever get recognition for their work. Like, creative worship, you see and hear them perform, and it's the same for worship team. Other teams, like docs/pubs/web/refreshments/VA, you see the product of their work and they receive their recognition in that way. Other teams, like hospitality team/finish line are just prevalent and present during the day/their event. But F&M team is almost 100% behind the scenes.
PLUS! they do the dirty work. Literally. But they never get the credit for it. I mean, very rarely do I acknowledge the priviledge of clean restrooms and empty trashcans, etc. They are the ultimate servants I feel. They work humbly and efficiently, with no complaints about doing the tough work that they do. Props to you F&M team.
Don't be offended if your ministry team wasn't listed/isn't my favorite, like P.Seth said, we ALL carry the cross TOGETHER. F&M just has a special place in my heart.
overnOUT
1. Favorite Worshipper: Dominic: I don't mean to offend, but he's tone deaf. That being said he is the most passionate worshiper I know. I respect him, because I'm sure to some extent he knows that he's tone deaf, but that doesn't stop him from worshipping with all his heart and body. I wish I could have an ounce of the joy he must have. The sight of him worshipping often humbles me because I realize that I restrain myself too much because I fear the eyes of men and because I used to be too quick to judge.
2. Favorite Ministry Team: Facilities and Maintenance team. I feel that this team, above all, have a heart of servitude. I feel this way because they don't ever get recognition for their work. Like, creative worship, you see and hear them perform, and it's the same for worship team. Other teams, like docs/pubs/web/refreshments/VA, you see the product of their work and they receive their recognition in that way. Other teams, like hospitality team/finish line are just prevalent and present during the day/their event. But F&M team is almost 100% behind the scenes.
PLUS! they do the dirty work. Literally. But they never get the credit for it. I mean, very rarely do I acknowledge the priviledge of clean restrooms and empty trashcans, etc. They are the ultimate servants I feel. They work humbly and efficiently, with no complaints about doing the tough work that they do. Props to you F&M team.
Don't be offended if your ministry team wasn't listed/isn't my favorite, like P.Seth said, we ALL carry the cross TOGETHER. F&M just has a special place in my heart.
overnOUT
Friday, February 6, 2009
Thoughts [2/06/09]
1. So isn't it weird that love songs in general seem to apply to our love for God? Except for like, the sexual references and stuff... Lol. I was listening to "Accidentally in Love" and I was like, isn't our relationship with God like that? Aren't there some people who have come to meet God by a strange turn of events? Almost like..an accident? Most of us don't meet Him because we purposely and fully just sought after Him. I dunno, I thought it was clever. It was just what I needed to hear, "These lines of lightning mean we're never alone". Amen. My God made that lightning eh? hahaha
2. I thought it was funny because right before my exam, "Jude Law and a Semester Abroad" came on my music player. It's funny because one part of the song goes "Never gonna get it right, you're never gonna get it" like x 83983 times. Sigh. Irony.
3. Today, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I thought it was perhaps due to all the seeking I've been doing, asking God for peace. And then I realized that Cindy sent out a VIP email, telling our members to pray for the people who have midterms today (me). Coincidence? Maybe, but I thought it was worth mentioning. hahah
4. One of the Korean gospel songs I like has a line that goes, "부족한 입술로 찬양하게 하신 일" . Translates to something along the lines of, "the work of allowing us to praise Him with our unworthy lips". I love that kind of God. Our God who accepts worship and praise coming from those most unworthy and finds joy in it.
This seems like enough thoughts for tonight, I have some saved for a rainy day.
overnOUT
2. I thought it was funny because right before my exam, "Jude Law and a Semester Abroad" came on my music player. It's funny because one part of the song goes "Never gonna get it right, you're never gonna get it" like x 83983 times. Sigh. Irony.
3. Today, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I thought it was perhaps due to all the seeking I've been doing, asking God for peace. And then I realized that Cindy sent out a VIP email, telling our members to pray for the people who have midterms today (me). Coincidence? Maybe, but I thought it was worth mentioning. hahah
4. One of the Korean gospel songs I like has a line that goes, "부족한 입술로 찬양하게 하신 일" . Translates to something along the lines of, "the work of allowing us to praise Him with our unworthy lips". I love that kind of God. Our God who accepts worship and praise coming from those most unworthy and finds joy in it.
This seems like enough thoughts for tonight, I have some saved for a rainy day.
overnOUT
Thursday, February 5, 2009
I cry every Tuesday/Thursday
cutting onions at work. lol
1. I'm really close to breaking down. It's soooooo demanding. Math classes which blow my mind, work that's a mental and physical strain, and the time drain of our church events. Problem is, I can't give any of them up. But I was so close to snapping after Mathematica wasn't working for me. Then I realized that I was the one who had made a stupid mistake LOL. Just today I wanted to quit work and now I wanna drop MATH 454. No benefit for quitting or dropping, except to temporarily lighten my load.
2. In light of [1] up there, I realized that I focus on my weakness/weariness/stressedout-ness, too much. I need to focus more on God and His glory, not focus on me and my weakness. I also am in desparate need of His peace. He promises me it and I'm trying to hold onto that with my last strength. Lol. Maybe God wants to make self sufficient me not so self sufficient.
3. It all leads to this. Suck it up and truck it through. Stop whining and complaining. God said He is more than enough for me. Then it is so. I will try to focus more on His glory then mine. His strength than my weakness. Ya get the point, no?
4. I realized I go through this pattern of a) realizing my weakness/flaw b) counting on God to redeem it/seeing how God is bigger than it/how much we need the big man upstairs.
overnOUT
1. I'm really close to breaking down. It's soooooo demanding. Math classes which blow my mind, work that's a mental and physical strain, and the time drain of our church events. Problem is, I can't give any of them up. But I was so close to snapping after Mathematica wasn't working for me. Then I realized that I was the one who had made a stupid mistake LOL. Just today I wanted to quit work and now I wanna drop MATH 454. No benefit for quitting or dropping, except to temporarily lighten my load.
2. In light of [1] up there, I realized that I focus on my weakness/weariness/stressedout-ness, too much. I need to focus more on God and His glory, not focus on me and my weakness. I also am in desparate need of His peace. He promises me it and I'm trying to hold onto that with my last strength. Lol. Maybe God wants to make self sufficient me not so self sufficient.
3. It all leads to this. Suck it up and truck it through. Stop whining and complaining. God said He is more than enough for me. Then it is so. I will try to focus more on His glory then mine. His strength than my weakness. Ya get the point, no?
4. I realized I go through this pattern of a) realizing my weakness/flaw b) counting on God to redeem it/seeing how God is bigger than it/how much we need the big man upstairs.
overnOUT
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Longest Life Group EVER! and i loved it.
I mean, I think it goes to prove exactly what we were talking about in LG. I would rather have LG end early and get a better grade on my hw,exam,etc. rather than talking or debating more about who God is and about our faiths. I mean isn't it great that I get to bounce ideas off my brothers and sisters to get a more complete understanding or grasp of God? But initially I felt like it was all just a hindrance. So wrong... When I feel or think like that, I think I really get to see myself for who I really am. I am someone who would like to invest more in his grades than his peers or his own faith. Tsk tsk, shameful am I.
Let's stop that.
Let's live for things more eternal, like peoples' souls and our relationship with God.
Lesson learned, time to apply (that's the hard part...)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So more externally, I've had packed days/weeks lately. It's nice, but...stressful also. I need to find that peace that comes from God. Not the nice peace that other people can provide, but that perfect peace that comes only from Him. Nice, no?
_________________________________________________
So funny thing, a friend asked me, "why are we here?" and I started listing all kinds of answers like, because it's the step after college, to build skill sets for jobs/serving God, etc. And then he was like, "I mean like...Bachelors or Masters. I'm doing FAFSA".
-____________- ownt.
but! we should always consider our motives, so I guess I'm faced with the question again: "Why am I here?"
overnOUT
Let's stop that.
Let's live for things more eternal, like peoples' souls and our relationship with God.
Lesson learned, time to apply (that's the hard part...)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So more externally, I've had packed days/weeks lately. It's nice, but...stressful also. I need to find that peace that comes from God. Not the nice peace that other people can provide, but that perfect peace that comes only from Him. Nice, no?
_________________________________________________
So funny thing, a friend asked me, "why are we here?" and I started listing all kinds of answers like, because it's the step after college, to build skill sets for jobs/serving God, etc. And then he was like, "I mean like...Bachelors or Masters. I'm doing FAFSA".
-____________- ownt.
but! we should always consider our motives, so I guess I'm faced with the question again: "Why am I here?"
overnOUT
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Thoughts [2/03/09]
1. How long can you wait? This question pops up during my prayers all the time. It's like,
Me: "Hey God, I trust that you'll provide me with someone, but just between you and me, what's the time frame for that?"
God: "How long do you think it'll be?"
Me: "Well, I could wait like...you know, till senior year at least."
God: "At least is right. Seriously, senior year?"
Me: "I guess I could wait like..five years, granted that you're gonna hook me up with the perfectest person."
God: "And if I said....seven years?"
Me: "O gosh, I guess..."
God: "Thirteen years?"
Me: "Thirteen?! that's like..when I'm THIRTY TWO!!"
God: "I'm well aware of that."
Me: "I mean, if you say so.. I guess....you're the BEST matchmaker right..?"
God: "And what if it's twenty years?"
Me: "....."
God: "Thirty five? Fifty?"
Me: ".....I mean...fine...I guess...whatever..."
God: "And if I say never?"
Me: "But God, that's like...I mean...I know it's a gift, bu-"
God: "Singlehood is a gift too, remember?"
Me: Sigh....
So my resolution is something like, live in the moment rather than living in expectancy. God's timing is God's timing, so I'll just wait till He says "It's time." Whether that's when I'm 22, 26, 32, 54, or 69, hahaha that's a crazy age, and especially if He says no, then I think it's better to be just living life contently in the now, rather than waiting for something that I don't know when I'm gonna get/never get.
BUT!! If you think about it, the crazy case would be if I waited for like 20+ years or whatever and then missed my chance. -____________________-;; That would just be sad...
Me: "Hey God, I trust that you'll provide me with someone, but just between you and me, what's the time frame for that?"
God: "How long do you think it'll be?"
Me: "Well, I could wait like...you know, till senior year at least."
God: "At least is right. Seriously, senior year?"
Me: "I guess I could wait like..five years, granted that you're gonna hook me up with the perfectest person."
God: "And if I said....seven years?"
Me: "O gosh, I guess..."
God: "Thirteen years?"
Me: "Thirteen?! that's like..when I'm THIRTY TWO!!"
God: "I'm well aware of that."
Me: "I mean, if you say so.. I guess....you're the BEST matchmaker right..?"
God: "And what if it's twenty years?"
Me: "....."
God: "Thirty five? Fifty?"
Me: ".....I mean...fine...I guess...whatever..."
God: "And if I say never?"
Me: "But God, that's like...I mean...I know it's a gift, bu-"
God: "Singlehood is a gift too, remember?"
Me: Sigh....
So my resolution is something like, live in the moment rather than living in expectancy. God's timing is God's timing, so I'll just wait till He says "It's time." Whether that's when I'm 22, 26, 32, 54, or 69, hahaha that's a crazy age, and especially if He says no, then I think it's better to be just living life contently in the now, rather than waiting for something that I don't know when I'm gonna get/never get.
BUT!! If you think about it, the crazy case would be if I waited for like 20+ years or whatever and then missed my chance. -____________________-;; That would just be sad...
Monday, February 2, 2009
Earnestly Recruiting: Humility Team
It's my new phrase that I thought up: Humility Team. hahahaha should be the fastest growing ministry team.
Today was awesome. So pleased with meeting my expectations for today. Now the hard part is replicating that forever.
I haven't lifted in a hot minute, but today I did ( I hope you laughed when I wrote "hot minute"). I feel like I'm starting all over again. Sigh.. o well.
I wanna continue being productive and focused.
Thoughts:
1. "To win you gotta come in last place": a line from "Get Down" by Audio Adrenaline. So true, so true. Isn't it funny how often we run so that we can get first place for ourselves? Well. at least for me... hahah
2. Fat squirrels make my day. They are funny and cute. I would like to have one.
overnOUT
Today was awesome. So pleased with meeting my expectations for today. Now the hard part is replicating that forever.
I haven't lifted in a hot minute, but today I did ( I hope you laughed when I wrote "hot minute"). I feel like I'm starting all over again. Sigh.. o well.
I wanna continue being productive and focused.
Thoughts:
1. "To win you gotta come in last place": a line from "Get Down" by Audio Adrenaline. So true, so true. Isn't it funny how often we run so that we can get first place for ourselves? Well. at least for me... hahah
2. Fat squirrels make my day. They are funny and cute. I would like to have one.
overnOUT
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Thoughts [2/01/09]
Start of a new month, start of a new week.
Let's see how this goes.
I realized that if I am going to minister to Muslims, my spiritual life must be disciplined to the max. Or else I'll perpetuate the stereotype that Christians are lazy (which I am). I gotta develop that passion and love that allows me to pray and read lots, even if it's five times a day.
We witness not only with words, but the heavy hitter is our lives. So, let's do this.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I gotta stop being so forgetful and thoughtless. I keep forgetting things and events. This is not good. Must be more organized and focused. Or else these relentless classes/schedule will swallow me up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Call it Steeler's bandwagon or just being a little angry at the Cardinals because they beat the Eagles, but gj Steelers, was preetty sick play.
it's been a while but we need to bring back, AJA AJA FIGHTING!!!
p.s. last minute thought:
Gotta switch my state of mind. Not how far can I push this deadline, not how late can I put off doing things, but rather, how early can I finish them. Let's do this.
Let's see how this goes.
I realized that if I am going to minister to Muslims, my spiritual life must be disciplined to the max. Or else I'll perpetuate the stereotype that Christians are lazy (which I am). I gotta develop that passion and love that allows me to pray and read lots, even if it's five times a day.
We witness not only with words, but the heavy hitter is our lives. So, let's do this.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I gotta stop being so forgetful and thoughtless. I keep forgetting things and events. This is not good. Must be more organized and focused. Or else these relentless classes/schedule will swallow me up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Call it Steeler's bandwagon or just being a little angry at the Cardinals because they beat the Eagles, but gj Steelers, was preetty sick play.
it's been a while but we need to bring back, AJA AJA FIGHTING!!!
p.s. last minute thought:
Gotta switch my state of mind. Not how far can I push this deadline, not how late can I put off doing things, but rather, how early can I finish them. Let's do this.
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